Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Whatever YOU Believe

FEBRUARY 29,2012
LEAAAP YEAR!!!
Happy day of confusion
and
here's to the
Leap year babies!
....
I never did figure out
where
to
Enter
based on this photograph
and sign!
But
I finally made my way to
"enter"
and enter I did
into an airport
in
....
well now I don't remember where!
Speaking of entering,
my thoughts today
are
on beliefs.
Now that is a tricky thought to enter
into!
What to believe,
who to believe,
how to believe,
when to believe,
Do you believe?
I BELIEVE!

Years and years of work in hospice
have given me a perspective of beliefs and thoughts that are beautiful
that have at times been challenging
and
have always fostered my own
true belief
that the Creator leads us all
to greatness, to oneness;
that life is in circles and seasons
and
cycles.
Very much akin to what Mary Labyak
of Hospice spoke so very often of
when she talked to colleagues, to legislature, to so many
around the world
about the vision and mission of
HOSPICE its concept, it work.
The very real ideal
of
Hospice care at is best;
its core being seen
and acted out in circles.
Beliefs are often
held sacred, private, often challenged in and within those circles.
Many attach faith, religion, spirituality
to belief systems,
it has never been more apparent
than in my lifes' work in hospice settings
as people face end of life issues.
Folks who are nearing the end of their lives, and those who love them
often will express their faith, their beliefs,
their anger, their angst
their anticipation,
their joy of what is to come.
I've sat with many, with chaplains, nurses, social workers, home health aids, volunteers,
many across the faith spectrum
as
we often explored the faith and belief systems
and
values of those we worked and spent time with. Often exploring our own in the same process!
Listening with all our senses
as fears, tears, anger, acceptance and
rituals were expressed.
Christians, Native Americans, Buddhists, Agnostics, Athesists, Jews, Muslims,
Wiccans, Pagans,
all with their own
set of beliefs.
Non-believers have their own beliefs and to hear and listen
openly is a vast and rich experience.
To not believe is in fact a belief system,
even if it is not yours.
To accept one for what they stand for
is true acceptance in life,
one without judgment,
one that says,
"to not believe is saying that is what you believe" and that is alright by me,
I value you for being who you are.
But,
it is also a belief system
to believe in truth, in honor, in justice
in
fairness,
and
when someone is "blowing smoke"
based on
what they present to you
and
how it is presented.
I remember Maya Angelou
and forget her wisdom so often,

"The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.”     ~ Maya Angelou ~
There are times when
the belief may begin in earnest
and then someone will show you who they are,
as you are suddenly
down a path
that leads us to wonder,
to suspect
that we have been led
to something that violates
our very beliefs
along with the beliefs and trust that had been established.
It is then
that we are wise to remember Maya Angelou, 
wise to step back,
re-evaluate
and
re-assess
the very core of self and what and who we believe in.
The foundations
the course, and the turns that were taken based upon the strength of our beliefs.
When living in a world so diverse
in beliefs,
it is always helpful
to stand strong in our own bodies, minds and spirit,
knowing we will need to be flexible
in our hearing, feelings, and thoughts.
Knowing that anothers' beliefs
may be completely opposite of ours,
but it does not diminish who we are
as
individuals
with beliefs, with thoughts, with attitude of gratitude.
It is in perhaps
these ways that we are so
universally connected
that we share
the idea
that whatever we
BELIEVE
it is up to us
to be responsible
and
acccountable
in our kindness and our stewardship
to others.
One of the many painful lessons I have learned through the years,
is that people you think you can believe
in

can lead you down a primrose path
and
then out of the blue
you will feel blindsided
once you realize
that business and believing
in the words of others
can be harsh
and userious
...
The harsh realities that make one realize
that YOU must believe in you
always
and that which is within
that motivates, and leads you
in your actions, words, good deeds
and
your life.
“Don’t Take Anything Personally. Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.” ~ Don Miguel Ruiz ~

What is important
is to ask yourself
"What do I believe"

Walk in Beauty,
DRSES
keepin it real



Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Grief... Those reactions that just keep coming on


A little humor to get you started
...
Grief,
that muli-faceted response to loss,
to the threat of loss at times
is indeed an opportunist
...
One that creeps up on you when you least expect it to,
when you are out there having a great day,
or
when you believe you have your feet planted firmly
going about your day.
It is particularly that which hits you in all spheres of your life
when you lose someone or something that you love.
We often will use
and
will think of Elizabeth Kubler-Ross as she defined the five stages of grief,
but
now we are hearing from others who have defined more and different models
of grief.
They have given grief trajectoties, given categories of grief based upon the loss;
whether spouse, child, pet.
Whether grief was in the family of birth
or
family of choice
or
disenfranchised.
We continue to learn
from research, from science, from
those who study the complexity of grief
and
bereavement.
Workshops and seminars are now gaining popularity when categorized for professionals
on
"complicated grief and its implications".
As professionals attend to hone in on their skills in working with the bereft.
Kubler-Ross and her five stages that were developed is now being "debunked" through science, and the research of many,
including George Bonanno...
His model shows that the vast number of people who have experienced a loss do not grieve, but are resilient. The logic in his study being that is there is no grief, there are no stages to pass through!
Notice how it was worded that there is no grief, there are no stages to "pass through".
To me that is rather obvious
and
does not debunk Kubler-Ross
or her brilliance which was doubted in the last years of her life,
rather
it speaks to the study of one researcher and those he researched!
I believe it also speaks to the western world thought
which I have spoken to many times before;
"linear thought"
a clear cut beginning, middle and end.
In my learning,
and I do believe that life is a series of continual learning;
I have had the honor to work with thousands of people throughout the lifespan.
Those who were well, and those who were dying, along with those who were grieving.
Both individuals, groups, communities.
Lay persons and Professionals included.
Grief, while no one truly likes to talk about it, the masses are walking with it.
Chronic sorrow seeps into a persons
nervous system, on a cellular level,
into the heart, the mind and the very souls
of people walking after loss or those who bare witness to loss on a daily basis.
We have now seen through research
that stress and anxiety
have a marked dimished affect on the brains, and stress is often secondary to the grief that is experienced by threat of or very real and complicated grief.
I often will shake my head in wonder
at
conferences, and workshops defining
"complicated grief"
as over the years, it is seldom that grief is not complicated for the one that is grieving.
The existence of "complicated grief" is a current debate in the field of loss and grief,
along with a hot topic in seminars and workshops for those working in the field.
We continue to work toward a diagnosis category for complicated grief in the
DSM-V
which will make a natural reapons a patology and will result in clinicians being paid by insurerers (maybe) when seeking counsel or therapy. However I believe these people with this diagnosis are normal, and will need to have validation that complicated grief is indeed a normal reaction to their pain of loss.
Grief is pain
and
it is pain that is felt in the one
who has lost,
in the ones that know of loss
in an intimate and most moving way.
It affects all within.
And
once that person seeks someone to travel the uncertain journey of grief,
they too will be affected deeply.
There will be times
that they (friend/confidant/therapist/spiritual advisor)
will take the stories on
and will need to stand, to find ways to move the story through their bodies and minds.
There is no "quick fix"
and
many triggers may be activated along the path, many times others will not understand.
It is not their journey,
it is the journey of the one grieving
and
no one will understand it fully.
The fall out?
It can be tremendous,
from a view on a hill you can watch it.
You can see it played out across the country,
at kitchen tables,
in conference rooms,
in workplaces.
Hidden agendas, folks that talk one way and act another, lies, deceit, and triggers that will become activated but too painful to deal with truthfully.
Grief
is
an opportunist.
And folks just don't like to talk about it.
And to think,
many just want to be remembered,
many just want to talk about things,
but
are afraid of how they might be perceived
might be looked at
might wonder
are they safe
to tell it like it is.
Professionals and lay persons alike
grieve,
some grieve the way things were
and
still wonder why,
some grieve the greatest love
and
still wonder when
and
some choose to remember
choose to embrace life
and
just need someone to walk along side them,
to guide
to mentor
to hand them a few things they forgot in the toolbox of remembering


Walk In Beauty,
DRSES
for speaking inquiries


Monday, February 27, 2012

Legs, Lint Rollers, Snubs, and Surprises

Welp
the Oscars
were held
the Red Carpet was walked!
There were winners, losers
and
Daytona 500 in Florida got rained out!
It's
Monday
folks
and after hearing from the news
there is an outbreak
of
the Flu that has now
hit all the states;
after hearing our warrior who visits here and her son
are both with the "crud and bug"
and
after seeing it on the news,
I believe that same
'bug'
has found its way here,
as
I started to feel
the chill and the sinus
(thinking it was barometric pressure changes from the weather)
or
excitement from my predictions
of the
Oscars
leaving me feeling a bit
weak...
But ohhh no; as night approached
I could tell,
and as my energy
and head felt like a 30 pound bowling ball sitting on my shoulders
now today
leaves me feeling like
someone has invaded my senses
I know that feeling!
CRUD
and I don't like it one bit.
Who we goin to blame?
the news cos' they told my body it is FULL BLOWN FLU TIME
(didn't we just do this in December?)
!!!
So back to the
Oscars!
Have to admit,
didn't get to walk the carpet
or see much of it,
LOVED Billy
as he rode in on his new means of transportation
and mostly loved
when he reached in his pocket and used his remote after that great horse was led off the stage.
Maybe he should
get an Oscar
for hosting the Oscars!
...
Seems our handsome Clooney sat this one out this year...
It's also all over the news that he was
"snubbed"
along with some other
snubs
much more obvious ones
out there!
THE HELP
Definately one of the best movies
I have ever seen!
The story will sear your soul
and leave you wondering
and applaud the strength of the women
who stood through such trying and hard times
with such profound love in their hearts tied to faith, to spirit and to each other
during a time of such hatred and civil unrest
and
still were able to dig deep
in their love of someone elses child with hands and hearts that even a birth mother
could not give.
Yet, it was not awarded best movie
this year.
So sad, because it was courageous
the acting brilliant,
the feelings and score
searing and compelling.
A beautiful acceptance
and
emotional
photograph captured
as
Ocatavia accepted her award
in
The Help,
she was filled with raw and thankful
gratitude.
What a delight to see her stand
and accept her moment of joy
as she thanked all in excitement;
for those she shared so much in her role
and
The Help
was acknowedged!
Yep,
she deserved "props"
from
THE HELP

And of course
we had the
"walk of the carpet"
the colors, the designers,
the "fear of the malfunctions".
Seems the award for that this year goes to
J Lo!
Bravo J Lo you win...
But honestly now,
how is it that anyone gets to be shocked,
or
complain,
or even imagine to be surprised
when designers and the wearers of these dresses
are wearing dresses
cut to their naval?
I mean let's face it,
really?
Is it stylish when one chooses to expose their bodies
and then be "surprised" or call it a wardrobe malfunction
when a dressed is actually designed to be worn so that so much skin is exposed
and
the only thing that is covered is
the nipples of a woman?
Do we; men and women alike really need to see so much flesh?
But what is really funny to me
is that anyone
would call that "wind gust" and the result
a "wardrobe malfunction"!


and
the wonderment!
We had P.Diddy and his assistants
using
a Lint Roller that rolled all over him
as he exited his limo,
as they made sure he was
"fly" was just "perfect"
and
he did a double take in the rear view mirror
BUT
then he went straight to his fans
and
signed autographs
and spent some time with them.
I can't help but laugh,
as I immediately wondered if he is like me and has little 4 legged pomeranians and maybe he let them ride in the limo
...
Then it would make perfect sense to have your own personal lint roller to jump out and
roll all over you!
Now what of
Angelina and the
now famous
"leg pose"?
and later the winners who thrust their leg out almost to the point of needing a hip realignment
by their chiropractor?
That was just too funny!
Yes baby, we know you have a body that just won't quit...
but c'mon now
that thrust was a bit much
unless you were walkin a runway
don't ya think?
I did love the guy who came after to accept an award with others and kept re-adjusting his pose
to match Angelina's
...
Oh the life of the rich and famous
on a night
where
Jack Nicolson is still the
baddest cat in the audience
with his trademark shades on
and
Billy is still the host,
and
for a couple or three hours
we can forget about
rising gas prices
and
the impending dangers of Iran
and
those who
try to blame
our President for all the problems in the world
and
the fact that folks are just crazy
at times.
We can watch and wonder what those stars are thinking
or look to Billy Crystal to have the camera pan the audience and then use his crafty skills
to interpret their look and what is on their minds
while we watch their reactions to his words
and
interpretations
and today we can laugh about it
or critique it,
now wanting to see the very movies
that someone else has deemed worthy!
See how the circles are at work?
How the pepple thrown in the pond ripples out into the universe and its connections?
How I can be sitting here hitting on keys to a keyboard while feeling that
bug/crud that is in full swing in
California/Colorado
now hitting here in Florida
...
How is that/
???
Circles and cycles
stages and phases
surprises
and
amazing graces I guess
...
Speaking of surprises
wonder why
the
Living Proof wasn't nominated?


That is a song
and
a songstress that speaks to the
soul!

Enjoy your day,
I hope you had a marvelous time
at the
Oscars!

Walk in Beauty,
DRSES
keepin it real