Loving Those Hats

Kamryn

Now couldn't ya just eat him with a spoon

looking "fly" in his fedora!

There's just somethin about a fedora that is fun

it's bold, it's jazzy, it's after all

"fresh".

And that godson of mine is indeed

a young man of

"stylin and profilin" I tell ya!

We all wear hats of many types

most not bold enough to actually put the "real deal" of hats on our head, but make no mistake

we wear all sorts of hats on any given day!

We have our

"out in public" hat

our

"at home and relaxed" hat

our

"professional" hat

our

"fun" hat

our

"fix-it" hat

our

"woe it me" hat

our

"I am too cute for my clothes" hat

our

"WOW" hat

our

"super/man/woman" hat

Yep we all wear many hats during most given days, and some of us are bold enough

to wear the real deal!

Why look back at the Royal Wedding

if ya wanna remember some hats!

Go to a good ole' fashioned gospel church

if ya wanna see some fantastic hats

you know

"Sunday finest hats"?

But then again

there are

just the

most remarkable

and

most

beautiful in hats

just

cos' they can and want to!

This is "Happy", my dear Mentor and friend Audrey Spicer's daughter! I've known Happy since she was born, and she has grown into a beautiful woman with a natural "swagga" and beauty that makes ya wanna just slap her silly.
She is lookin fine just fine in her fedora, and when I saw her while speaking in DC, in the winter, I said to her, "Hap, you know Auntie would loook real fine in that fedora" as I took it off her head! And don't you just know...
I left DC with that fedora!!! LOL
Love her I do, she is a dancer, a teacher, and a devoted daughter, with a smile that could light up the room. And oh how she misses that hat!


"Wearing a hat is like having a baby or a puppy; everyone stops to coo and talk about it." (Louise Green)

Sometimes when you are soooo cool

you just can't stand yourself

(nor can others!)

"Life is like a new hat. You don't know if it suits you if you keep trying it on in front of your own mirror." Shirley McLaine.



I had a talk with a Dreamer

Follow

YOUR OWN

Yellow Brick Road

It's morning and I am ready to fly the friendly skies to Kansas!

Hoping to see Toto

or even Oz

perhaps

even Auntie Em, known to say,

("Feed those hogs before they worry themselves into anemia." )

but for sure

I am going to meet and speak to a group

of

Hospice folks of

Crossroads Hospice there!

I was honored to talk to a dear friend yesterday; a dreamer indeed she is.

She was telling me about

"working the dream"

and

I reflected on a quote of Maya Angelou

who said once,

"Nothing works unless you do".

My friend is a living testament to Maya's profound quote

and she is an inspiration, she is funny, she is a warrior of gentle spirit;

as she now makes her home in Colorado with her son.

She has done much over the last few months and fought systems battles that would boggle the mind of many. And to be honest, many would have huddled in fetal position and just wondered what in the world to do.

But not her, she has persevered

with grace under fire

and incompetence that is beyond the pale.

And

she has continually worked her dreams

in ways that most cannot fathom

and

many could learn from.

Dreams are not really for the faint of heart

if you want to see them come true

not really!

Dreams are important

they are healthy

and oh they are wonderful.

But dreams that are really desired

are dreams in the making

and

often in those dreams are many a twist and a turn, journeys on lands that are unfamiliar

not always unlike the

Wizard of Oz!

`~`

I have told many readers that I will be calling upon you for help in finding a part for a Medicare all terrain scooter that would help my friend to get around in her new community out there.

I still plan to do that, as with the cheap replacement model that some useless worker decided it would be better to replace the custom fitted scooter with that does not allow her to get outside... we must rally some help.

We are the warriors to do this, but I just have to find a photo and mode/serial number

to enlist some help here. Stay tuned!

And I sometimes have to wonder

if those in the business of helping those with life challenges and disabilities were made to be limited in their abilities as part of their training

would they be more sensitive in their

work?

It rather reminded me of the quote of the

Wizard of Oz and one that I love so much

I used in

Healing Heartaches.

Funny that as I get ready to travel to Kansas

I am again reminded of the quote

and

the resilience of the human spirit.

Perhaps it also helps that I am richly blessed

to know this special woman

who continually shows me

the joy of life through photographs

smiles through the storms

and

then read the comments and emails of so many here on this page!

I am truly blessed and I thank you.

HOME ... there is truly no place like home,

click your heels three times

and embrace your dreams, work your dreams, your plan... You don't have to have

RUBY SLIPPERS, after all the real original slippers were silver!

But whatever the shoe, it's the wearer that really matters, and it's the stylin of the click

that gets you home!

"A place where there isn't any trouble. Do you suppose there is such a place, Toto? There must be. It's not a place you can get to by a boat or a train. It's far, far away. Behind the moon, beyond the rain." Dorothy

Ah, it's goin to be a good day I'm thinkin!

So just as in the Wizard of Oz

just as in living your lives

and in times of love, of adventure, of loss; in times of  uncertainty, of great sadness

and healing heartaches

and

working the dream that is unique to you...

It may help if you remember this:

"How can I get there" asked Dorothy. "You must walk. It is a long journey, through country that is sometimes pleasant and sometimes dark and terrible. However,k I will use all the magic arts I know of to keep you from harm." The Wizard of Oz

And so, I wish you all that you dare to dream,

the conviction to work it to fruition

and

the kindness to reach out to others

knowing that you may be blessed in ways

unimagined along the journey.

Did ya hear the news?

Patti Labelle was awarded the

LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT AWARD this week on BET

too bad she hasn't received the same distinction across the boards in the music industry. Nuff ssaid.

 Who better to be recognized as one of the greatest voices evah... than my Patti!

A fitting treat since we've talked of Oz...

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FJEh9xLrF2I

AND

I invite you to keep your hospice stories coming, the great, the good, the not so good and even if you have had a terrible experience... You can bet that those of the hospice world read it here, and ultimately a change is coming cos' of warriors like you .... people don't know what they don't know!

So let's be sure and let em know!

COB is safely at home after her surgery for Cancer on her leg... she is now having to keep the leg UP and to stay put... that should last about ... well let's just say we'll see how long that lasts since she has already been out to lunch and such!

YOU just don't keep COB down you know!!!

She appreciates all the thoughts and love from those here.

May you Walk In Beauty,

DRSES

http://www.drsherryeshowalter.com/

author of

Healing Heartaches, Stories of Loss and Life

Where've YOU Been?

Sweet Hummer

out in

Sedona

Good rainy (again) morning

here at home,

where ya been ...

I've missed yall!

Miami was sunny hot and filled with folks

all over the world

there to gather for the

ADEC

Association of Death Education and Counseling

Conference!

And gather they did; some of the famous and scholarly and students and those

from places all around

to attend the many and varied sessions held through the three days!

The scholarly, the papers presented on studies of end of life issues; they were there...

the discussions and meetings of those scholars

from near and far;

and the evening of Latin music where all let their hair down and danced the evening away was quite fun

as I sat with my convener of my session; a delightful young woman named Kim and her friend Carrie who is working on her dissertation

both lovely and quite fun!

I enjoyed them immensely.

Kim introduced me to her locket she wears around her neck that held a photo of her beloved 6 year old

CODY who had died and she told me of each evening when she takes her locket off and lays it on her dresser

only to awaken with the locket sprung open!

We talked and her eyes widened as I told her

I think "Cody is playing with you, as he lets you know [there is NO distance and he is doing just fine]..."

><

"Why, anybody can have a brain. That's a very mediocre commodity. Every pusillanimous creature that crawls on the Earth or slinks through slimy seas has a brain. Back where I come from, we have universities, seats of great learning, where men go to become great thinkers. And when they come out, they think deep thoughts and with no more brains than you have. But they have one thing you haven't got: a diploma." Wizard of Oz The hotel was lovely

but

oh wow was that room "hot" even after attempts of having them come and "fix" the a/c

I was still "hot"!

But a grand time was held before speaking and after

seeing old friends

and meeting new folks in the field of academia

along with those in the field of care.

It was ever so good

to get in the car

and drive through

Alligator Alley on the way home, HOME

and

now to get ready to leave in the morning

to meet folks at

CROSSROADS HOSPICE in Kansas

at their Retreat

at

Harrahs Casino there

to provide the keynote address for their gathering.

COB has that CA surgery on her leg yesterday,

now home with her leg UP in the air, she will recover until time for the stitches to be taken out and get the green light to fly here with the Godsons for a vacation.

She is glad it is over and prays all will be done and she will enjoy wellness now.

I thank you for the responses of the last blog

and now hope we can add to those thoughts with more stories,

they are stories to share

ones to enhance care and stories to allow those in hospice to learn from

ones to allow them to enhance their care of those they are honored to serve.

Here's how I see it

we can only be at our best

in our service to others

and

by stepping out and stepping forward

with straight eyes and clean hands.

You can be sure that I will share your stories

when I speak across the Nation

and

If you want to share your loved ones names with me, I will honor them, keeping them alive

by saying their names

and

by letting those I speak with know the stories

and the names.

There is no greater way

to learn;

no greater gift than putting a name to the story to make it real; the good and the not so good

as the stories that make it real.

So for today;

Walk with beauty of all that there is;

remember that each time you say the name of your loved one and bring them in the conversation; you give others permission to talk about them, to keep them alive through their memory in conversation in a healthy way, to honor that their life was much larger then that moment of the death.

May you have a lovely day today,

knowing you are thought of, knowing you are a warrior of gentle spirit.

Walk In Beauty

DRSES

author of

Healing Heartaches,

http://www.drsherryeshowalter.com/

On The Road Again...

Time to hit the road

this morning

MIAMI BOUND

via car!!!

Well OK, not this car

and certainly not Kamryn driving!

We had a great light show last night, accompanied by a great rain most of the night

with the Thunder Beings playing; oh what a time they had.

My kind of rain; starts at dark and ends right before dawn!

Up early with the family here,

the four-leggeds too, running round the pool celebrating the freshly washed earth and pool deck;

at times seeming to come pretty close to the edge from what I can sense and see!

The Coffee is great this morning here

but soon it will just be me

with some great sounds to distract from the traffic!

Patti Labelle; maybe some Emmy Lou Harris

and Willie Nelson;

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1TD_pSeNelU

along with my thoughts

in the Murano

down through Alligator Alley

and

into Miami to attend

ADEC

(The Association of Death Education & Counseling)

where I will speak and do a book signing

at their annual conference.

Hoping to meet some fantastic folks from around the world during my trip as well.

Staying at the

Intercontinental Plaza

there where you have the lovely option of Valet parking for $34 a night or parking a few blocks away for $10 a night!

Whoopee, what an option that is in Miami!!!

I read with interests the comments of yesterday

which of course peaked my interest

and

yes, of course when I finally did wake up after my sleepless night I felt like I had been hit by a

Northbound Train!

But it did get me to thinking

as sad as it was to relate the story

that one can always count on me

to "keep it real" here

just as I did

in

Healing Heartaches

when sharing the pioneers of hospice

and

the many who do the work of hospice;

there are those who seem to have either

lost their way

or just don't get it.

I still think of that lady who wanted those fake nails

taken off her before dying

and I happen to know the person who had

so graciously agreed in a hot minute

to go to her bedside after working her 40 hours

and

willing to do so on a Friday night

without thought of self,

just to do what was asked

and give a loving hand massage;

possibly hear a story that this woman would have shared

just because the time would have been right

and the person (*who I know intimately*)

would have looked at her with such understanding and grace that the patient would have felt as though sharing with her would have been the greatest and easiest thing in the world to do, if she still could.

These are the special and wonderful gifts that hospice is known for around the country

and have

excelled at throughout the years.

Elisabeth Kubler-Rossm a pioneer and legends of hospice (one of my heroes in hospice)

said this:

 “I believe that we are solely responsible for our choices, and we have to accept the consequences of every deed, word, and thought throughout our lifetime.”

How true are those words in our life, in our work, our professions... In each breath that we take.

Kubler-Ross was the pioneer whose landmark work

"On Death and Dying" gave us stages of grief;

that many have built on throughout the years.

She lived large although a small woman,

she did not take crap from anyone, she knew that we are only here for a finite time, and that those who need care in the end of their lives need us to be present, to care holistically for and about them.

She also said this, and it is one of my most favorite quotes:

 “People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.”

Don't you love that quote?

So as I hit the road today,

I'm wondering,

do you have a hospice story or have you been affected by hospice?

I want to know

and I bet others would want to know as well,

BUT

I don't just want the

"hospice people are angels"

stories!!!

Here we are warriors of truth

and

we keep it real!

Sure I want to know about the wonderful experiences, cos' as you know

I believe in the vision and mission of hospice

along with the fact that there are some

absolutely awesome women and even some men out there doing some fantastic work with those who need hospice and palliative care!

Hospice and Palliative care is for

those who have serious and life threatening illness AND those who love them.

I'm asking you to share your thoughts and your stories for the rest of this week,

TO KEEP IT REAL

whether good or bad

or

a combination of both.

C'mon give it to us here.

I can remember back in the day

when we charted on paper;

when we brought in our family to wash linens in a little house that mercy built that was an inpatient unit on Christmas, and to help sit bedside with a dying patient until their family arrived because we were short staffed!

I remember when a CEO crawled through a window to attend to a patient who had locked herself in the house, and neighbors thought her dead, only to find out she was in there and thought herself pregnant, (she was 87)!

I remember when Dr Josefina Magno

decided that those with breast cancer were treated horribly by fellow physicians so she went to London to see how this thing called hospice was done

and

then decided she must teach physicians how to do things differently and was brilliant

becoming a pioneer in hospice

after her own diagnosis of breast cancer in the early 70's.

I've watched changes, legislation, HIPPA be misunderstood, and things change

not always for the best... but change is the only constant in the world.

I've seen dying patients be taken to the beach just to see a sunset one more time;

arrange weddings so that Mothers can see the son get married, and lift her out of a wheel chair so that she could dance with her husband one more time.

And

I've seen magic in the eyes of little children with old souls

aren't they remarkable?

We sure could learn a lot from them if we would just be still and listen!

So friends,

let me know your thoughts, along with others who visit here!

We know there are many who visit, but don't comment... it shows up in the "stats" that we are read all over the world!

And

Hospice is now serving and caring for folks across the globe,

so

I'm more than certain

many have something to say about their experiences or those of someone they may know... be it great, good, so-so, or not so good.

Let's get "real" and share the stories

and

then you can be sure

I'll educate others

when I'm out there across the country

on ways

that will help and "lessons learned" from the true experts:

YOU

Oh my goodness,

the sage has burned and filled the air, with thoughts on the winds to all!

Sandy and Stuart continue to work daily on their home, the smell of soot is there, ceilings are BLACK, but the work is coming into the light for a couple of rooms and progress is being made.

Sandy is a daily reader of the blog

once she returns home here with

"soot and exhaustion"

but a spirit of resiliency and great humor

they both are warriors!

They both appreciate all the love and kindness extended here by those who are holding them up... we continue to hope and pray for an arrest of the arsonist, and justice to be served.

BUT

I have to tell you, we are family here, and we stick together, through the darkness we find the light, the humor and we know that we will survive anything.

It is remarkable though, once you have been violated you become extremely keen to the comings and goings in your neighborhood.

That is what is called "hyper vigilance"

and

we are all rather amazed at it even now!

><

Also in the prayer bowl

and needing your thoughts:

Little boy Nicholas at St Josephs in Tampa continues to struggle there with his Mom and Grandmom Karen bedside and the brain complications; he is in grave condition at this time.

 Please hold them tenderly

in your thoughts and prayers.

The four leggeds just made a NASCAR run around the pool, but now are giving me the "eye" as they know something is up...

They spied the suitcase last night!

The time is NOW

and

the tank is filled,

time to love on the four-leggeds

and

"hit the road"

Here I come Miami... Ready or NOT!

Walk In Beauty,

DRSES

http://www.drsherryeshowalter.com/

You can order your copies of

Healing Heartaches, Stories of Life and Loss

at the website above!

(mention that you are one of our gentle warriors when ordering and receive a special thank you gift from me)

Take best care of you

out there Warriors!

Some Nights Are Just Like That

Looking for the

Yellow Brick Road

but at the wrong time

Yep some nights are like that,

you just watch the clock go round

with your mind

racing

and

thoughts of who know what

going who knows where

and

feels almost like

looking for

the yellow brick road!

It's one of those nights

here the first night of

Summer...

I can actually say

I have had much better nights

as I sit out here on the lanai

listening to the frogs make music

and

wishing I were sound asleep

rather than hearing the frogs

and

seeing the insides of my eyelids

at this

rather late hour of darkness.

But

I suppose

it's better than waking up the whole house

who seem to be sleeping

with the exception

of

DLB

who is sitting right alongside me

gazing out into the dark of night

both of us

having tried the

ole'

"let's talk about it"

as if

maybe something is on our minds

collectively.

When that turned out to be

comical

we opted for a swim in the dark of night

cautious not to wake the four leggeds who in turn would wake

Sandy and Stuart

then probably waking the entire neighborhood

cos' after all if we can't sleep

why should anyone else!

OK

that didn't work either.

So DLB

decided enough on her part and back to bed with her.

So, here I sit

me and the frogs

and

the darkness of night.

It's times like this that one wonders

what do people do with themselves that like to stay up all hours of the night and into the dawn do at such hours?

I myself prefer sleeping in hours such as these.

But,

since that seems to not be in the plan for now,

I'll just share a thought or two

about the first day of summer.

Hard to imagine that already we have hit that magical day, the longest day of the year.

Fitting that it would also carry into the night for me, as I am prep mode for my trip to Miami

on Wednesday, speaking there at a conference for the

Association of Death Education and Counseling

this week!

There I will also be honored to do a book signing and a wonderful opportunity to do an interview to later be shown on You Tube

which I am thrilled about

on

Compassion Fatigue.

It will run about 3 minutes all told although it takes about half hour to record, along with other invited speakers at the conference.

Then back home on Saturday

to prepare for a trip to

Kansas City for a keynote for

Crossroads Hospice being held at

Harrahs Casino in Kansas City!

What a lovely experience that will be to gather with a fantastic group of hospice workers there.

Hospices across the country are facing great changes with legislation, with the economy and with bills being passed on Capital Hill.

Organizations are being called upon to do more with less,

and change is affecting hospice and those who have dedicated their lives to enhancing the care of those in need of them.

BUT

the hope is that the "vision and mission"

will remain the same.

The vision set forth by the pioneers of hospice

back in the days of the begining.

That of making those patients and the ones who love them live until the moment they die

with grace, dignity and all that they hope for and need to make their lives as wonderful as possible in the time that they have.

That has always been the vision

and some wonderful people have worked hard through the years to advocate for those they provide care for to be sure that happens.

Change is difficult at best as we become more challenged with laws, with rules and with rigid boxes that folks work within.

BUT, the latest hospice story that I heard actually hurt my heart.

It seems in a large hospice someone forgot the true "vision" and true "mission" of caring and somehow got too carried away with structure and policy/procedure to see the bigger picture.

Or at least from the story I got it seemed that way.

Thank the Creator this is not a story I hear often,

but a story that perhaps is one reason I am not sleeping tonight.

It seems that a lovey patient who was close to dying had decided she did not want to die with those acrylic fake nails on... so she had asked her hospice nurse if she could find someone to come and give her a nail manicure and remove the "fake nails" before she died.

The nurse knew just the person, and made a call to a fellow employee at hospice and ask if she would come to the patients home after work

(on a Friday night no less)

and remove these nails, give her a hand massage, and manicure. She explained the patient's desire, and that she was nearing death.

The woman said she would be honored, but since her boss was off and the nurses' boss was off (it was Friday afternoon after all), she thought it best to run this past the Director to be sure it was "ok". So she did that, but knew it would be "hospice at its finest".

The director was hesitant and asked these questions:

1. What do you plan to do there?

"I plan to take the fake nails off, give her a hand massage, comfort and put a clear polish off. I have been a nail tech many years!

2. Are you a home health aide?

Well no not officially anymore, as you know I was promoted years ago

3. Are you a volunteer?

Well, not officially I actually get paid, and next month will be my 18th anniversary here as a full time employee!

To this the director said she had an uneasy feeling about this, but if the nurse (who also had already worked 40 hours) goes with you I guess it will be ok.

Now keep in mind, the patient now was under continuous care so had nursing around the clock at this point, so there would already be a nurse in the home!

So the call was made to update the nurse who said, "ok, we'll do whatever we need to for our patient"

BUT

Before that could happen the director called again and said, "I just have an uneasy feeling and I do not think this can happen."

Bottom line:

A dying patient of hospice who wanted fake nails taken off,

a dedicated hospice employee who was willing to do it and who has been an employee for 18 years and has experience in doing it, along with experience with patients, who is excellent with patients and families, who was willing to do this taking her own time...

and a nurse who had known who to call to make her patients dream and desire happen at the end of her life.

Was denied.

Someone in the position of power

has

forgotten

the

true mission and vision

and

creed

of

what

HOSPICE IS

and our hearts ached.

In unison we said

"are you kidding us"?

We are talking about taking best care of those we are honored to care for at the end of their lives here.

Loving and caring Hospice people ready to answer the call, to go and to do

on their own time

in order

to allow a woman to be ready to

transition, to cross over

in her way and in her time.

Someone decided it was

not "comfortable for her", "out of her job description", "she was uneasy"?

And in the middle of the night

I sit and remember

when the pioneers of hospice

and

the many stories throughout the years

that I have heard, participated in

that made dying patients

smile; their families

look back through the years

and smile

remembering the experiences

the moments

that took that little moment in time

that identified a death

and added to the rich and large life

and

I cannot help but wonder...

"what happened" in this situation.

But most imortantly

I thank those two hospice women

for not even thinking twice

on a Friday night

when they were ready to go

to make

a last wish

for a patient happen.

Cos' that is true HOSPICE

Hospice is about life

about

living until the moment you die

and

savoring each moment

with those that listen

and

respond to the moment

with grace, laughter

and

stepping up and stepping out

to

care.

If you or a loved one need hospice

give them a call,

let them know of your need.

AND

if when in hospice

if you desire, want, or dream

let them know of them

insist on them

and

don't stop

someone will listen

and

dreams will and can come true

cos'

more times than not

Every day's a Gift.

With that said,

I'm goin back to bed

right after one more swim

in the still of the night

right here at 3am!

Blessings to all who gather here

and to all

who

dance in the wind

even if only in your minds.

LIve with all you have

Dance with all you want

and

Be all that YOU are

Walk In Beauty

DRSES

author of

Healing Heartaches,

http://www.drsherryeshowalter.com/