Grief can be a medicine...

"There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief... and unspeakable love." 

~ Washington Irving ~
Oh

those krumpled kleenex

and

sitting at the kitchen table.

Alone or with a trusted friend,

those

"grief triggers"

will get pulled

and

activated

and

whether we like it or not

that

grief "thang" will creep in

at times when you least expect it.

I can tell that

my thoughts the other day

have activated the trigger

in many here,

and

for many who do not comment

but read often and re-read as well.

Yes

grief is an "opportunist"

and drinks from our well of

resources and energy

from time to time.

Often leaving us exhausted

and

grumpy, worn out, or sad

or just plain out

depleted along the path.

More often than not

and

according to research

people will heal in spite of clinical interventions

although many benefit greatly from therapists

and

many will at times

come to the conclusion

that it becomes a choice made to

re-join the dance of life

or be stuck in the darkness of pain.

Seems everyone

related quite well

to this humor

and very real

thought:

That grief,

and its way of

being and showing

itself.

And

at times

we just have to "sit with it"

and

allow the tears to fall

and the trail of grief

to take us through the path once again,

or perhaps differently

now that we've had some time;

have felt the reality of missing

that many label "yearning and searching"

in texts and literature and counseling.

MIssing is missing

and it is something that has yet to be defined

in its completeness

but certainly felt

by those who feel it deeply.

The

pain of loss one goes through takes a tremendous toll on the spirit, the fabric of life of the person grieving and those still here

who also love and bear witness.

and

it may be helpful to acknowledge it and

to recognize that somewhere along the line

we have been given words

and those words are

"powerful"

and often do not fit

what we are feeling

in times of mourning loss

or

absorbing the realities of death

and

its impact.

We've been conditioned and taught that

"I know just how you feel"

or

"you'll get over it in time"

we've been told

"don't dwell in the past"

we've been encouraged to

come to

"acceptance"

to

"find closure"

and

to

"move on"

><

Sometimes there are just no words...

Words are powerful instruments that give a command to our brain,

but do not make sense always to the heart.

It just may be we need new words,

to adjust to what is now

our meaning systems

incorporating the pain of loss

and

the reality

that

"hearts that are connected in life cannot be separated by death, as death is not that powerful".

However,

labels are the rage,

pathology is confused with reality and the complications of grief are reality

for each who experiences profound loss

of something or someone they love.

Meaning systems are shaken,

the very foundations that we build lives on are felt to be in a state of dis-equilibrium.

And

our systems are thrown into crisis,

added to the words of so many.

It is no wonder people do not fully grasp the reality of loss for so long,

they are too busy trying to find their grasp and understanding of all the words being said to them and to figure out how to apply them now that their world is out of balance.

Denial

Anger

Bargaining

Depression

Acceptance

...

Resilience

Recovery

Chronic Dysfunction

Delayed Grief or Trauma

Reconciliation

Pathological Mourning

Getting Over It

Moving On

Closure

Letting GO

....

Words, definitions, explanations, theories and postulations

on human experiences and emotions

can be challenging,

can be upsetting

can be plain out off the mark.

Sometimes we don't want to "let go", wonder about words like "closure", "moving on", "getting over it".

Quite odd the expressions we have been thought to be helpful don't you think?

Letting go implies to release, and hearts that are connected never really let go of love do they?

We must use our brain and our bodies, hearts, souls to connect to the words that we are hearing and saying

in relation to our lives, our losses

in order

to heal.

At times we must try to keep our hearts above our heads, so that we are not rationalizing to the point of confusion, not trying to filter the educated ideas from the beats of the heart, or the many opinions of so many on how we should feel, think or speed at which we should be finished with grief work.

"The deeper that sorrow carves into your being the more joy you can contain. Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven?" 

 ~ Kahlil Gibran (1883-1931) ~

The existence of

"complicated grief" is now being talked about, being discussed and is a current debate in the field of those in the professions and academia.

I think that all grief is and comes with

complications.

It certainly is not what I would call "easy", "normal", or a "walk in the park".

Not for the one grieving, nor for the helping professional who bears witness to the stories of such loss, trauma, pain.

Each in their own, the worst for the one going through it.

Particularly for the one who is grieving.

It is a personal journey,

one that is different each and every time loss is involved dependent upon the love, the relationship, the unfinished business,

the age, the type of kinship shared,

and

the imprint that is left to be honored and remembered.

I also think that we need new words, more than we need a new diagnostic manual;

words that speak loudly

to the

opportunist that grief is;

and

those times when sadness and missing

hit home and hit hard.

Times when you just wish you could spend an afternoon together, or share another precious event or laugh or seek council with

or just "be".

Feelings and profound thoughts on

loss and grief are not new, they have been thought about and felt since the beginnings of time.

I found this remarkable quote

and so very true

if only we can instill it and believe:

"Grief is itself a medicine".

 ~William Cowper (1731-1800) ~

{wado}

Just as music is the Universal language,

it soothes in ways that nothing ever will,

so is grief itself a medicine to wounds never imagined.

So as you give yourself permission for those times when that opportunist called

"grief" comes to pay a visit,

allow it to be medicine

to soothe your soul,

allow yourself time to feel, to be one with it,

as you lean in to those times and memories.

You may even dance with that thing called grief, sit with it a while,

then

STAND

with

Faith

HOPE

Clarity

Knowing that you have loved and been loved.

Say the name of the one you love

while sharing them with everyone you see!

And yes,

there are times

when you would just about give anything

to see them again, you will miss them being here, want to pick up the phone to share your day, to ask a question, to hear their voice.

That is true, it is not a flaw in you.

It does not indicate pathological mourning.

Look for those signs, those messages, for the wonderment that is still here,

 pay attention

they are everywhere YOU are.

Love never dies.

Walk in Beauty,

DRSES

"keepin it real"

www.sherryeshowalter.com