Opinions vs. Criticizing (Critter-sizing) hahaha

Gotta Grow Into Those Ears!

HOPE

The North American Black Bear

"Doing Life Her Way"

On Her Own

It's early morning... Thank you all for your supportive comments and emails, each of you have touched our hearts! 
Think I said this already, but will say it again... this is going to take a bit of getting used to around here!  The little ones are holding council to see who is going to take the lead position, and the two-leggeds are taking bets on who will emerge as "leader of the tribe"! Stay tuned...

Coffee is fresh and hot this morning, the sun is still not quite found its way to me here, but the sounds are quite lovely as I wait patiently.
I was thinking of Lily The Black Bear, HOPE and most wonderfully of HOPE's biggest fan, our friend "JILL S".
Yesterday Jill sent word that she had been to the doctor and most results from the tests are in... are you ready for this?
THERE IS NO EVIDENCE OF CANCER!!!
Lily the North American Black Bear gave us HOPE... Lily and HOPE gave Jill something special, something that you can't quite put your thoughts around, that helped her to fight the fight of her life... she so loves our bears. HOPE taught Jill to climb, to move through the pain, to climb the highest pine tree, to move out of her comfort zone of those familiar each time she went into that sterile setting alone for treatment; to be a WARRIOR...
and to kick Cancer's ASS... And you know what?  With courage, strength, humor, the love of a family, friends and two North American Black Bears... Jill S. is a walking miracle...
She is a SURVIVOR AND A WARRIOR...
and all who enter here have helped with your thoughts and your prayers on the wind... Aho!
STOMP JILLY, CELEBRATE, STOMP... I am so very happy for you and your family... and await the newest and final test results... Blessings and love to you ...  You have had some powerful Warriors here and some powerful angels fighting alongside you my friend ~ and we will remain at your side until you tell us to stand down...

Since January we've watched in awe as Lily gave birth via a live web cam in her den, we've learned more and watched thousands come together on a Facebook page... Many have become friends, many have become enemies... torn apart by differing opinions of what they think the bears are thinking, what they think is the best way to treat the bears, what this one thinks about that and this one thinks about what that one who posted this and that....
We've all watched as Lily was distracted or was protecting HOPE and they were separated; we helplessly watched and waited to see if HOPE would be found alive or dead... We listened to those who thought Dr Rogers was doing the "right or wrong" things, whether Sue was doing "postings/updates" fast or long enough...
We had NO control...
Some of us even saw many of the hateful postings that were made to and about others on the page ... and they were ugly...And  we saw where things were deleted, we watched as what they call "trolls" appeared just to be "startin' something" with those dedicated bear lovers who were already frantic in their feelings of helplessness, anticipatory grief of a North American Black Bear and her cub.
And at times, many took a break from it all because it was just too much... I cannot imagine how Sue and Dr Rogers stand it. But criticism happens, as does the throngs of well wishers, donors, those praying for the NABC and for our bears safety.
HOPE was found... the reunion was awesome...

But then it happened... Lily's Mom, June showed up; Lily bolted to the woods, HOPE scurried up a tree... and in a "wink" HOPE was solo... but where? The fans, those humans with human emotions... were exhausted, were a hot mess of worry. Sue and DR Rogers, I cannot even begin to wonder how they are or were... HOPE was missing in action yet again...
Could she survive?
http://www.bear.org/

HOPE... was spotted again, food was left at the base of trees, and HOPE is doing just fine... Dubbed as "Sassy Pants" she is the little cub who has lived up to her name, and she looks great! I HOPE you will visit the http://www.bear.org/
and see the videos' read some of the research updates...
But meanwhile at the Facebook Lily The Black Bear Fan Page... there was trouble in paradise ~
the stress had mounted: the uglies had come out; the insults, the mean spirited ones they came out too ~
AND yes, the ever lovin' HOPE and Lily fans who support the NABC stayed loyal, giving their support to Dr Rogers and Sue and trying to calm folks down...
Dr Rogers and Sue have made comments about the criticism of their research, Sue has had to remove posts of ugliness and possibly criticism of each other on the site... perhaps it is just a way of life? But then again I wonder as I wander here this morning...


"To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing." ~ Elbert Hubbard


That is no way to live. People are often quick to criticize others. Some make a sport of it. Some criticize because they feel small and find that it bolsters what little self confidence they can muster by finding fault with others. We get that no one is perfect. We can easily spend our time criticizing others, or we can accept that, like us, others too have shortcomings, faults, and are every bit as human as we are. We are imperfect creatures, every one of us. Better to acknowledge the fact and keep criticism of others to a minimum. We can disagree. We can hold altogether different values and beliefs, but why waste time forming the habit of being unnecessarily critical. Everything we do repeatedly becomes a habit. Habits are hard to break. Do we want this particular habit to define us?

“It is not the critic who counts, nor the man who points out how the strong man stumbled, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs and comes up short again and again; who knows great enthusiasms, great devotions; who spends himself in a worth cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with the timid souls who know neither victory or defeat.”
{Theodore Roosevelt}


People will often say what they think we want to hear.
Is there real value in that?
If others hear us criticizing another person, they may well follow suit. Thus a chain of events cascades.

Criticism should be offered judiciously, and whenever possible, in a constructive manner.
 Don’t trash the person, debate the issue.
Hold a different belief sacred, an opposite or different opinion, but there is rarely a need to just be critical for it’s own sake.
"Criticism may not be agreeable, but it is necessary. It fulfils the same function as pain in the human body. It calls attention to an unhealthy state of things.” {Winston Churchill}

Some pessimists criticize others because they suffer from self worth. Some criticize achievers because they see themselves threatened by the accomplishments of others.
You do not get a leg up while standing on the back of a less accomplished person or a person in pain.

Be the bigger person.
Keep your own counsel.
                           Words cannot be unspoken.
Bells cannot be "un-rung".

We mostly fall into the trap of voicing our opinions or complaining about someone else when we are angry, afraid, tense, tired, overwhelmed.

But c'mon now... perhaps that is one more example of those times when folks just feel as though things are beyond their own "personal control"... and we all know how "we like to be in control of things".
FEELIN ME HERE???

So evaluate the situation. Make a plan.


Can you address the upset/the issue(s) in a more direct manner.
Can you find a some way to work around, or will you just blurt out some ill conceived remark and live to rue the day when you must take ownership of the remarks you have made?
OR... is it possible to sit back... stretch like you were trying to lift yourself single handedly out of your chair and laugh out loud thinking about the absrudity of it all and just let it go ~ is it going to really matter in 4 minutes or 5 days from now?

Lily the Black Bear's Facebook Fan page comes to my mind... Over 96,000 + fans registered now... and oh my what differing views/opinions and criticizing goes on that page...
Bet there are days when Dr Rogers just wishes things could go back to the days of he and Sue saying,
"It's me Bear" and just be left to what they do in the woods with the bears without so many minding their business!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J1pDy2bpEc8
Makes one ashamed to be human at times ~

This is not to say that there is no value in critical thinking.
That we must take the stance that everything is equal.
\We must stay true to our own convictions. /
I only suggest caution when offering criticism that is not constructive.

Kvetching, complaining about others, clucking, whining and fault finding are not traits I want to foster in myself.
Sometimes we find ourselves venting, sounding off about someone who has pushed our buttons.
This too is a common reaction to frustration and anger. However, it may come at the expense of another's feelings... and is that a price you are willing to pay to express your feelings at that precise moment in time... to hurt another? Only you can answer that one my friend ~
It may though, come back to bite you in many ways.
So, I suggest we approach criticism along with opinion sharing strong of others with soul searching.

Decide on which sword you want to fall before you engage in a verbal battle.


Offer constructive criticism with a soft tongue, a gentle voice and a warm, genuine smile.

Work off the anger and frustration in private or with your closest friend.
Make a plan to approach the issue and work toward a resolve.
Fix the problem, knowing that you do not have he power to change the person or situation that you see as at fault.
We can only change our reaction to them.

So, shift your thinking and that will shift your focus.

 Shift your focus to problem solving, and give little voice to the feeling that a healthy dose of verbal assault will solve the problem.

I have a neighbor whose ugly behavior caused great angst, due to her close proximity (as in she could butter my toast by reaching out the window) and her hateful conduct. I did not want to move, she is who she is, so…
 I put up a big, high, sturdy pretty privacy fence. A privacy fence makes a good neighbor; and outdoor high quality speakers make good no GREAT noise barriers as well as entertain and delight me.
Works for me.

It would probably be frowned on at the office to have a 6 foot PVC fence built around a cubicle, so you may have to be slightly more creative than I, but you get the point.

Catty remarks around the water fountain almost always lead you down the wrong path.
Nasty comments or "strong opinions" can get you in rather bad company on the Internet... can get folks riled up to say the least... and either get you "flagged", "reported", or "blocked" on Facebook. Now I don't know about you... but I don't really care what others have to say all that much, I have the "choice" to not read what is written if I don't like it rather than go through all the trouble of "blocking, reporting, flagging"... but oh boy, some of the replies you might get from "REACTING" rather than thinking before you push the magic button can be scalding!
Just sayin' everyone has the right to say what is on their mind... have an opinion... BUT, it can be done in a respectful and thoughtful way...
There is some merit to the lesson every Mother in history has taught, ”If you can't say something nice, say nothing at all.” Easier said than done, I will admit... and there are those rare instances where you just have to set someone straight when they step over that "line" ~

Sometimes it is best to bite our tongue and sit on our hands than to trip over it, and later have to eat proverbial crow with our fingers.

Other times, it's best to "walk away from the computer... do not hit the "comment/send" key...

So, don’t let what others say about you define you.
The Cherokee say there is a reason we have two ears and one mouth... Listen or your tongue may make you deaf... (remember no Facebook back then!) LOL

Listen twice as much as you speak.

People who bad mouth others to us really only want to hear their own message anyway.

No need to throw ourselves on their fire. Tend your own fire... that takes time, effort and work in itself.

Let them fan their own flames, it would be hard to stop them anyway.


"A knowing smile often trumps a flapping mouth". {DRSES}
Smile on.
Do not lend your voice to the cacophony of complaints, name calling and bitter speech.
Stay focused on the positive energy you are. Reinforce the good.

Do not fall into the trap of bad mouthing every one that appears to need this service.

Sarcasm has it’s place, but use caustic remarks judiciously.
If you are ever called on to eat your own words, may they be always palatable ~

The fire is hot, its embers are red... smoke on the wind with prayers offered to you in healing, in thoughts of goodness, of truth, of strength in the  battles you may be facing and in beauty in all things.
For so many and you know the names, you know them in your heart...
We are with you here, standing strong with powerful angels... We ARe Warriors here...

Walk In Beauty,
DRSES
Healing Heartaches, Stories of Loss and Life
http://healingheartaches.com/