Whatever YOU Believe

FEBRUARY 29,2012

LEAAAP YEAR!!!

Happy day of confusion

and

here's to the

Leap year babies!

....

I never did figure out

where

to

Enter

based on this photograph

and sign!

But

I finally made my way to

"enter"

and enter I did

into an airport

in

....

well now I don't remember where!

Speaking of entering,

my thoughts today

are

on beliefs.

Now that is a tricky thought to enter

into!

What to believe,

who to believe,

how to believe,

when to believe,

Do you believe?

I BELIEVE!

Years and years of work in hospice

have given me a perspective of beliefs and thoughts that are beautiful

that have at times been challenging

and

have always fostered my own

true belief
that the Creator leads us all
to greatness, to oneness;

that life is in circles and seasons

and

cycles.

Very much akin to what Mary Labyak

of Hospice spoke so very often of

when she talked to colleagues, to legislature, to so many

around the world

about the vision and mission of

HOSPICE its concept, it work.

The very real ideal

of

Hospice care at is best;
its core being seen
and acted out in circles.

Beliefs are often

held sacred, private, often challenged in and within those circles.

Many attach faith, religion, spirituality

to belief systems,

it has never been more apparent

than in my lifes' work in hospice settings

as people face end of life issues.

Folks who are nearing the end of their lives, and those who love them

often will express their faith, their beliefs,
their anger, their angst
their anticipation,
their joy of what is to come.

I've sat with many, with chaplains, nurses, social workers, home health aids, volunteers,
many across the faith spectrum

as

we often explored the faith and belief systems

and

values of those we worked and spent time with. Often exploring our own in the same process!

Listening with all our senses

as fears, tears, anger, acceptance and

rituals were expressed.

Christians, Native Americans, Buddhists, Agnostics, Athesists, Jews, Muslims,

Wiccans, Pagans,

all with their own

set of beliefs.

Non-believers have their own beliefs and to hear and listen
openly is a vast and rich experience.

To not believe is in fact a belief system,

even if it is not yours.

To accept one for what they stand for

is true acceptance in life,

one without judgment,

one that says,

"to not believe is saying that is what you believe" and that is alright by me,
I value you for being who you are.

But,

it is also a belief system

to believe in truth, in honor, in justice

in

fairness,

and

when someone is "blowing smoke"

based on

what they present to you

and

how it is presented.
I remember Maya Angelou
and forget her wisdom so often,

"The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.”     ~ Maya Angelou ~

There are times when

the belief may begin in earnest
and then someone will show you who they are,
as you are suddenly
down a path

that leads us to wonder,

to suspect

that we have been led

to something that violates

our very beliefs
along with the beliefs and trust that had been established.

It is then

that we are wise to remember Maya Angelou, 
wise to step back,

re-evaluate

and

re-assess

the very core of self and what and who we believe in.

The foundations

the course, and the turns that were taken based upon the strength of our beliefs.

When living in a world so diverse

in beliefs,

it is always helpful

to stand strong in our own bodies, minds and spirit,

knowing we will need to be flexible

in our hearing, feelings, and thoughts.

Knowing that anothers' beliefs

may be completely opposite of ours,

but it does not diminish who we are

as

individuals

with beliefs, with thoughts, with attitude of gratitude.

It is in perhaps

these ways that we are so

universally connected

that we share

the idea

that whatever we

BELIEVE

it is up to us

to be responsible

and

acccountable

in our kindness and our stewardship

to others.
One of the many painful lessons I have learned through the years,
is that people you think you can believe
in

can lead you down a primrose path
and
then out of the blue
you will feel blindsided
once you realize
that business and believing
in the words of others
can be harsh
and userious
...
The harsh realities that make one realize
that YOU must believe in you
always
and that which is within
that motivates, and leads you
in your actions, words, good deeds
and
your life.

“Don’t Take Anything Personally. Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.” ~ Don Miguel Ruiz ~

What is important

is to ask yourself

"What do I believe"

Walk in Beauty,

DRSES

keepin it real

www.sherryeshowalter.com

Grief... Those reactions that just keep coming on

A little humor to get you started

...

Grief,

that muli-faceted response to loss,

to the threat of loss at times

is indeed an opportunist

...

One that creeps up on you when you least expect it to,

when you are out there having a great day,

or

when you believe you have your feet planted firmly

going about your day.

It is particularly that which hits you in all spheres of your life

when you lose someone or something that you love.

We often will use

and

will think of Elizabeth Kubler-Ross as she defined the five stages of grief,

but

now we are hearing from others who have defined more and different models

of grief.

They have given grief trajectoties, given categories of grief based upon the loss;

whether spouse, child, pet.

Whether grief was in the family of birth

or

family of choice

or

disenfranchised.

We continue to learn

from research, from science, from

those who study the complexity of grief

and

bereavement.

Workshops and seminars are now gaining popularity when categorized for professionals

on

"complicated grief and its implications".

As professionals attend to hone in on their skills in working with the bereft.

Kubler-Ross and her five stages that were developed is now being "debunked" through science, and the research of many,

including George Bonanno...

His model shows that the vast number of people who have experienced a loss do not grieve, but are resilient. The logic in his study being that is there is no grief, there are no stages to pass through!

Notice how it was worded that there is no grief, there are no stages to "pass through".

To me that is rather obvious

and

does not debunk Kubler-Ross

or her brilliance which was doubted in the last years of her life,

rather

it speaks to the study of one researcher and those he researched!

I believe it also speaks to the western world thought

which I have spoken to many times before;

"linear thought"

a clear cut beginning, middle and end.

In my learning,

and I do believe that life is a series of continual learning;

I have had the honor to work with thousands of people throughout the lifespan.

Those who were well, and those who were dying, along with those who were grieving.

Both individuals, groups, communities.

Lay persons and Professionals included.

Grief, while no one truly likes to talk about it, the masses are walking with it.

Chronic sorrow seeps into a persons

nervous system, on a cellular level,

into the heart, the mind and the very souls

of people walking after loss or those who bare witness to loss on a daily basis.

We have now seen through research

that stress and anxiety

have a marked dimished affect on the brains, and stress is often secondary to the grief that is experienced by threat of or very real and complicated grief.

I often will shake my head in wonder

at

conferences, and workshops defining

"complicated grief"

as over the years, it is seldom that grief is not complicated for the one that is grieving.

The existence of "complicated grief" is a current debate in the field of loss and grief,

along with a hot topic in seminars and workshops for those working in the field.

We continue to work toward a diagnosis category for complicated grief in the

DSM-V

which will make a natural reapons a patology and will result in clinicians being paid by insurerers (maybe) when seeking counsel or therapy. However I believe these people with this diagnosis are normal, and will need to have validation that complicated grief is indeed a normal reaction to their pain of loss.

Grief is pain

and

it is pain that is felt in the one

who has lost,

in the ones that know of loss

in an intimate and most moving way.

It affects all within.

And

once that person seeks someone to travel the uncertain journey of grief,

they too will be affected deeply.

There will be times

that they (friend/confidant/therapist/spiritual advisor)

will take the stories on

and will need to stand, to find ways to move the story through their bodies and minds.
There is no "quick fix"
and
many triggers may be activated along the path, many times others will not understand.
It is not their journey,
it is the journey of the one grieving
and
no one will understand it fully.
The fall out?
It can be tremendous,
from a view on a hill you can watch it.
You can see it played out across the country,
at kitchen tables,
in conference rooms,
in workplaces.
Hidden agendas, folks that talk one way and act another, lies, deceit, and triggers that will become activated but too painful to deal with truthfully.
Grief
is
an opportunist.
And folks just don't like to talk about it.
And to think,
many just want to be remembered,
many just want to talk about things,
but
are afraid of how they might be perceived
might be looked at
might wonder
are they safe
to tell it like it is.
Professionals and lay persons alike
grieve,
some grieve the way things were
and
still wonder why,
some grieve the greatest love
and
still wonder when
and
some choose to remember
choose to embrace life
and
just need someone to walk along side them,
to guide
to mentor
to hand them a few things they forgot in the toolbox of remembering

Walk In Beauty,

DRSES

www.sherryeshowalter.com

for speaking inquiries

Legs, Lint Rollers, Snubs, and Surprises

Welp

the Oscars

were held

the Red Carpet was walked!

There were winners, losers

and

Daytona 500 in Florida got rained out!

It's

Monday

folks

and after hearing from the news

there is an outbreak

of

the Flu that has now

hit all the states;

after hearing our warrior who visits here and her son

are both with the "crud and bug"

and

after seeing it on the news,

I believe that same

'bug'

has found its way here,

as

I started to feel

the chill and the sinus

(thinking it was barometric pressure changes from the weather)

or

excitement from my predictions

of the

Oscars

leaving me feeling a bit

weak...

But ohhh no; as night approached

I could tell,

and as my energy

and head felt like a 30 pound bowling ball sitting on my shoulders

now today

leaves me feeling like

someone has invaded my senses

I know that feeling!

CRUD

and I don't like it one bit.

Who we goin to blame?

the news cos' they told my body it is FULL BLOWN FLU TIME

(didn't we just do this in December?)

!!!

So back to the

Oscars!

Have to admit,

didn't get to walk the carpet

or see much of it,

LOVED Billy

as he rode in on his new means of transportation

and mostly loved

when he reached in his pocket and used his remote after that great horse was led off the stage.

Maybe he should

get an Oscar

for hosting the Oscars!

...

Seems our handsome Clooney sat this one out this year...

It's also all over the news that he was

"snubbed"

along with some other

snubs

much more obvious ones

out there!

THE HELP

Definately one of the best movies

I have ever seen!

The story will sear your soul

and leave you wondering

and applaud the strength of the women

who stood through such trying and hard times

with such profound love in their hearts tied to faith, to spirit and to each other

during a time of such hatred and civil unrest

and

still were able to dig deep

in their love of someone elses child with hands and hearts that even a birth mother

could not give.

Yet, it was not awarded best movie

this year.

So sad, because it was courageous

the acting brilliant,

the feelings and score

searing and compelling.

A beautiful acceptance

and

emotional

photograph captured

as

Ocatavia accepted her award

in

The Help,

she was filled with raw and thankful

gratitude.

What a delight to see her stand

and accept her moment of joy

as she thanked all in excitement;

for those she shared so much in her role

and

The Help

was acknowedged!

Yep,

she deserved "props"

from

THE HELP

And of course

we had the

"walk of the carpet"

the colors, the designers,

the "fear of the malfunctions".

Seems the award for that this year goes to

J Lo!

Bravo J Lo you win...

But honestly now,

how is it that anyone gets to be shocked,

or

complain,

or even imagine to be surprised

when designers and the wearers of these dresses

are wearing dresses

cut to their naval?

I mean let's face it,

really?

Is it stylish when one chooses to expose their bodies

and then be "surprised" or call it a wardrobe malfunction

when a dressed is actually designed to be worn so that so much skin is exposed

and

the only thing that is covered is

the nipples of a woman?

Do we; men and women alike really need to see so much flesh?

But what is really funny to me

is that anyone

would call that "wind gust" and the result

a "wardrobe malfunction"!

and

the wonderment!

We had P.Diddy and his assistants

using

a Lint Roller that rolled all over him

as he exited his limo,

as they made sure he was

"fly" was just "perfect"

and

he did a double take in the rear view mirror

BUT

then he went straight to his fans

and

signed autographs

and spent some time with them.

I can't help but laugh,

as I immediately wondered if he is like me and has little 4 legged pomeranians and maybe he let them ride in the limo

...

Then it would make perfect sense to have your own personal lint roller to jump out and

roll all over you!

Now what of

Angelina and the

now famous

"leg pose"?

and later the winners who thrust their leg out almost to the point of needing a hip realignment

by their chiropractor?

That was just too funny!

Yes baby, we know you have a body that just won't quit...

but c'mon now

that thrust was a bit much

unless you were walkin a runway

don't ya think?

I did love the guy who came after to accept an award with others and kept re-adjusting his pose

to match Angelina's

...

Oh the life of the rich and famous

on a night

where

Jack Nicolson is still the

baddest cat in the audience

with his trademark shades on

and

Billy is still the host,

and

for a couple or three hours

we can forget about

rising gas prices

and

the impending dangers of Iran

and

those who

try to blame

our President for all the problems in the world

and

the fact that folks are just crazy

at times.

We can watch and wonder what those stars are thinking

or look to Billy Crystal to have the camera pan the audience and then use his crafty skills

to interpret their look and what is on their minds

while we watch their reactions to his words

and

interpretations

and today we can laugh about it

or critique it,

now wanting to see the very movies

that someone else has deemed worthy!

See how the circles are at work?

How the pepple thrown in the pond ripples out into the universe and its connections?

How I can be sitting here hitting on keys to a keyboard while feeling that

bug/crud that is in full swing in

California/Colorado

now hitting here in Florida

...

How is that/

???

Circles and cycles

stages and phases

surprises

and

amazing graces I guess

...

Speaking of surprises

wonder why

the

Living Proof wasn't nominated?

That is a song

and

a songstress that speaks to the

soul!

Enjoy your day,

I hope you had a marvelous time

at the

Oscars!

Walk in Beauty,

DRSES

keepin it real

www.drsherryeshowalter.com