I Miss Back Then..

My heartfelt condolences
to EE and her Mom Florence
on the passing of
"Pops" who died in the middle of the night
from Alzheimers disease.
May you find comfort in knowing
he is now free of the disease that took him for you in this life as he now watches over you from the heavens!


I miss back then...

As I prepare to head out for

Cleveland Ohio

and

wind my way to Livonia Michigan

today

I'm reflecting...

and

I've been reflecting all week-end

it seems,

finally deciding to share some thoughts that can best be described

as:

"I sure do miss back then".

I miss the days

when

folks spoke from their hearts

rather than their heads

and

when it seems that people were more genuine in their care of their fellow brothers and sisters of this world.

I miss the days

when we were more

human beings

rather than

civilized human "doings"

with clear intention

and

pure in purpose

of

unconditional care and concern.

I MISS

the days when people

STOPPED

or paused

when someone dies

to remember

to mourn

to

take the time

to realize that a member of the community is no longer with us

here on this earth.

We have become so

civilized

We have become

so damn important

in our thinking

in our

going on through our lives

with catchy phrases

"oh they are resting"

"oh they are at peace"

"oh shalom friends"

"oh let's keep going"

><

I miss the days

of

folks stopping on the side of the road

when a procession went by

and standing quietly by the side of the road

to be and show respect.
You know, regular folks, not just celebrites
but the folks like those who have made a lasting place in our hearts, souls, nervous systems...

I miss those black armbands

worn long ago

as a "sign" of mourning

that let others

KNOW

a person is grieving, a sign that often demonstrated that mourning
rather than have someone out of the blue to stick their foot in their mouth with a comment like, "what's wrong with you today, you look like you lost your best friend?".
It may be that you had, it may be that with those armbands folks would just "get it",
would offer support unsolicited
and
folks would find themselves not feeling so alone in their pain of loss.
We have gotten away from the depth of understanding of others and after a short time when we want and need to hear the stories of those that are loved
we end up hearing only the inside of our heads
and would be healthy and happy to hear others acknowledge and honor

that someone they loved

had

died.
NO it is not helpful to hear someone tell you " I know just how you are feeling", NO it is not supportive to have someone launch into a story of their own saga of pain, NO it is not lovely to have someone to tell you "you will be fine" or "I UNDERSTAND"...
Maybe that is why
folks just don't talk anymore
they have nothing to say
and
just don't want to witness the pain
if they cannot call it their own?
OR
maybe we are just too civilized
as adults ...
OR
maybe folks just don't get it...

Yes,

I MISS RESPECT SHOWN

for the living

and

the impact a death has on individuals and

the community and the world at large

when they die.

I miss

RITUALS

and

understanding

and

care

and

authenticity

of

others.
I like rituals.

Have we become so used to not expressing genuine loss

and

feelings

that we no longer can pause

to care?

Have we forgotten

the great impact of each other

on the lives

in the Web of Life?

><

I miss back then...

We may attempt to act more sophisticated

but

when you really think about it...

We are still a

death denying society, even those who are in the business of caring, the professionals who others view as having all the answers and providing the standards of how folks are "supposed to cope and deal with death/loss/grief".

We do not talk about it, we do not like it, we would rather sit silently, move on as if nothing significant has really happened,
or

offer lame comments of

"I'm sorry", "life goes on"

and

let it drop from sight.

We read of

impersonal and lack of passion

information

to inform of deaths

with no mention

of

passion, of heartache

as

a result of a member of our lives

or their love of life

now gone.

We settle for that.

We now hear that one has

"transitioned",

Kubler-Ross loved to talk about

graduation when she spoke of her impending death... she looked forward to "dancing in and on the galaxies".

She was given a grand send off

and

a book followed with lovely stories from those who were honored to know her

and

we reflected afterwards on a life of a woman who gave "death and dying" new meaning and shaped the world of

Hospice for pioneers

like

Mary Labyak and many others to then blaze trails and set standards of care

with passion, zest, and patient centered care to include all who loved them.

><

I miss back then.

><

We now attend funerals and memorials for young people at record number

attended by more people than can be counted; (the same young people attend that also used the same drugs in many cases still not making the connection);

they should not be dying at such young ages and from causes that could be prevented.

Prescription drug overdoses are killing people at numbers that boggle the mind

and

kids and adults are making choices

to party with prescription drugs

like they are M&M's.
What happened to the days of a beer, a bottle of cheap wine
and a joint back in the day?

Parents are burying their children

and

we have to wonder how did this become

something that is happening in our

country in such record numbers

leaving so many in such

heartache.

><

And yet...

I miss back then;

when folks lived

and

loved

and

others enjoyed their lives

making their way

the best way they could

and

when they needed a hand

one was extended to them

and

when their time on this earth was done

others were deeply affected.

We need to get back

to feeling deeply

to loving deeply

to being moved

deeply.

I guess the times have changed;

people have gotten used

to just going through their day

and

it's just the way it is.

But,

I remember once upon a time

when a person died

the whole community

stood still just for a little while

to honor

to support

and

to remember.

We are all a part of a Universal Connection

that is interconnected in the great web of life.

I wish people could remember

to not be so civilized

and

perhaps then

we could get to

back then and back WHEN.

Sitting a the kitchen table,

folks coming in with food,

gathering to share memories
and to lean in to one another
along the way.

I would prefer gathering with others and hearing life's stories of a person who has died

rather than watching a "continual looped video of a speech" in an uncomfortable setting of those who show out and show up cos' it is politically correct and ackward and impersonal but expected.

I miss back then

when folks

"kept it real"
were "authentic"
whether professional or not

back then

when expressions of love, life, real stories and shared grief

all were a part of one's life

and

we "felt" with all our senses.

Do you remember

back when? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WPGvKwggtl0

Oh yes,

I miss back then and back when.

I bet those on the other side

just watch all of this

and

wonder.

Have a blessed day

knowing

YOU MATTER

in life and beyond to me...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7YMLmlHfehQ

Final note: when those you love and those who matter to your life "get where they are going, and this life is over?"Just remember this: YES, you can cry, YOU can wail hoop and holler when the one you love gets where they are going... It's alright, no matter what anyone says... and yes, you will survive, you will find a time when it is time to make a choice to get back in the dance of life, and those you love "want YOU to dance" in this life every beat of the drum and every step you are blessed to dance.

Just so you know...

...

Walk In Beauty

DRSES

author of

Healing Heartaches, Stories of Loss & Life

"Mary Labyak, Trip The Lights Fantastic in spirit land beautiful one, you were a fierce warrior and a grand dame. 63 years old, gone too soon."

www.drsherryeshowalter.com