The Lovely Back of Tonya Mae
In Memory of Elke
Cancer SUCKS... is engraved forever in the lovely back of a young woman named Tonya Mae who lives in NC. She is a warrior, a USF graduate, an avid and often "rabid" USF BULL fan of football as well! She is a young woman who is fiercely loyal and independent; she is a TWO, count them TWO time Cancer Survivor...
She was with her best friend Elke days before her fight with
Cancer ended up North; another young woman, another fighter of this deadly disease. Elke had parents who adored her, friends who were loyal and those who prayed as she underwent therapies to fight a disease that many call Cancer... She fought a great fight; she fought when weary, she fought for herself; her friends and her parents... and Tonya Mae was there at the end painting her nails and reading her a story and reassuring her that all would be all right and that she would hold her parents in their grief. And she did. She is a young woman of integrity and honor
Tonya is.
Cancer ended up North; another young woman, another fighter of this deadly disease. Elke had parents who adored her, friends who were loyal and those who prayed as she underwent therapies to fight a disease that many call Cancer... She fought a great fight; she fought when weary, she fought for herself; her friends and her parents... and Tonya Mae was there at the end painting her nails and reading her a story and reassuring her that all would be all right and that she would hold her parents in their grief. And she did. She is a young woman of integrity and honor
Tonya is.
CANCER SUCKS... bad things happen to good people. And yes attitude is 3/4 of most things. How one accepts the initial news and chooses to cope with the illness, the treatments/lack of treatments/modalities are all individual or family decisions... they all are very private decisions, ones that are difficult to make, but made they are. Some make small steps that lead to bigger ones while others take big plunges and larger lunges into unknown territories and never look back! But more times than not, most will fight the fight of their lives, wanting to live with all of their might when this thing we call life is thrown into jeopardy. I've heard it said, that "it's a risk to go on living but a bigger risk to die".
My thoughts wander to so many as this series takes off, to those that I've loved who have died through the years secondary to Cancer... those I have been honored to work with and their loved ones through the years. It is the attitude that makes the difference and faith does appear to make the world of difference to most. But when I think and dig really deep inside... it is the "fighter" and the "warrior" spirit that allows for the amazing grace along the way... perhaps that is the difference.
Take a look at the warriors at the Susan Komen 3 day Walk For A Cure... in a word describe the look on the faces of those that are there, men, women, children: those with Cancer, those who love them, those walking in memory of those who have died. One word to describe them all:
INVINCIBLE ~
That would be my word when I look at those folks. They come together from who knows where, united in their mind-body-spirit connection; united in their mindful purpose... they are warriors; they are INVINCIBLE...
CANCER SUCKS... We can send men and women to the moon; we can have wireless Internet and connect all across the waters, the lands, talk to people in New Zealand from here in the USA via a keystroke...
WE NEED TO CURE CANCER...
Tonya Mae loves wearing those cute little T-strap shirts in the summer, she used to be able to wear them all the time when she lived in Florida! haha Bet she can't do that now that she lives in the mountains of NC. She would forget about that big tattoo on her back and be shopping in a grocery store or at the Mall when all of a sudden... she would feel a gentle touch on her back! It was at times like that she would almost think her beloved friend Elke was right there beside her when a stranger would remark, "I love your tattoo", or "Did that hurt you", or "Tell me about your Tattoo"... All which gave her an opening to tell others about her young friend (who was the same age as she), she would then be able to tell someone about Cancer, about prevention, about advocacy, about her best friend and her death... she was able to work on healing her pain of loss and embrace life differently... in healing-ways.
Painful-loveliness ~ I used that expression in a group about 20 years ago! I can remember an Elder in the group deciding that it was a most appropriate expression although she would have never thought of putting those two words together...
Perhaps that is why one day the author of Healing Heartaches can be heard saying, "I don't care much for the word "tolerant", I prefer words like "beauty, truth, honesty, compassion". And in the next day, the same author saying, "Cancer Sucks"... quite simply because ... it does.
Thank you for your wonderful comments and thoughts yesterday, I can only hope that there will even be more today! Tonya Mae, thank you my dear one for the picture and you graciously allowing me to use it in today's blog for others' to see your beautiful tribute to Elke!
Blessings to you all and those you love ~ ~ ~
Walk In Beauty,
Healing Heartaches, Stories of Loss & Life
The Reviews are continuing to come in & they fill my soul
http://www.drsherryeshowalter.com/
http://www.healingheartaches.com/
Now available at amazon.com
Now available at Borders.com
6 comments:
The tattoo: I saw many things.
The obvious statement about Cancer Sucks,
but I also felt the warmth of the bear, the
soft blending of colors in the tattoo itself
The happiness on the bear's face, the smile,
the wave, the message, the name of the beloved
lost soul. It is a bitter sweet reminder of how life takes from us, but the warrior gave back with a great tribute to her friend.
Thanks for sharing today, Dr. SES FIRM
When I look back at it, I was seeing Sherry every week @ Hospice, sometimes, 2 times a week. At the time I got this tattoo, it was twice a week. I never brought it up, just came in with it and showed it off. I think Sherry was surprised at first.
I can remember how Wade and Diana (Elke's parents) wanted to touch it when they saw it. Almost as if they were touching her. Weeks later Wade got a portrait tattoo on his arm of her smiling face. I think it was his way of making her into flesh again, maybe that's another reason why I got one too.
I believe getting that tattoo was almost taking the pain I had inside, that you couldn't see and showing people by displaying it physically. Because let's face it, unless I had just gotten done with a crying session that made my eyes red and puffy, you could not tell I was hurting as much as I was. And I was putting on a good show because people didn't see me crying but man o' man was I hurting.
Elke was placed in her beaitiful white and pink coffin wearing a "Cancer Sucks" t-shirt. It was her way of flipping the bird to the dehumanizing disease. I would do the same! :)
This is one of the most beautiful stories I have ever read. Elke was so incredibly blessed to have parents who adored and still adore her, you as her best friend, and many other friends to love and support her. What an incredible blessing to be able to paint her toes and to read to her. The coffin sounds like it was made for a princess and I love the t-shirt idea.
I am grateful your health allowed you to get the now famous tattoo. How beautiful that people are not shy and ask you about it. How sweet that you have the opportunity to share your fond memories of Elke.
What a poignant and a very tender tale.
While cancer may suck...none of the people involved in Elke's life did. I honor and respect you, Elke's parents, and her many friends. I would love to read other stories of healing. I hope this poignant and beautiful story is not the exception and there are cancer and other hospice patients that can receive the tremendous tender loving care that you gave to Elke. Thank you for letting Sherry tell your story. Perhaps...it will inspire others. You and Elke were both so very blessed to have each other! I am sorry that she is no longer physically here for you...but you have inspired many.
I have heard that death brings out the worst in people. Thank you for showing there are exceptions to that rule!
This is a challenging series. I am still having great trouble understanding why we need to fight or battle illness. Why can't we just accept our illness and simply treat the symptoms? I suppose this is a personal decison.
Having seen many die from cancer, I feel like it is all about how much money the surgeons and other medical professionals make. In the end...does it really matter if one lives for an extra month or two?
Regarding preventative vaccines...they are controversial...many refuse to vaccinate their daughters as we do not know the implications of these vaccines. Just as seasonal and H1N1 vaccines are also controversial.
All this medicine cannot be that great.
According to the White House...this is the first time in history that the children being born today have a shorter life span than their parents.
Well... The last person to post seems bleak. Hate it that anyone would feel so fatalistic. Don't want medical intervention then so be it. Don't do it but I personally respect each person's right to make that decision for themselves. When you love, and are loved it makes the decision to have a few extra days, weeks or months somehow more desirable. I have lost people to death that wanted to live and have seen people die that were ready and tired of living. Cancer does suck. Glad so many people have these interesting and varied perspectives.
It is cool to see so many different perspectives as you mentioned. I suppose we all have had different experiences, which in turn makes us think differently.
Guess we all are entitled to our opinion.
Just came here from Lily's Fan Page....big argument going on there. Some think we should not give dollars to Lily the Black Bear, but give dollars to Haiti. We can choose what charities we wish to support! We cannot choose when and what illness strikes us. We can choose how we respond. I have always believed in responsibility....the ability to respond. My prayer for every soul that actually reads this far down...is that we respond to ourselves and others with GRACE.
Post a Comment