SNEAKY GRIEF ~

At the End of The Day

"Wado"

Is All That Is Left To Say

It's morning... darkness is still here from last night. I await the Universal Oneness to amaze me this morning by doing it again, by bringing up the sun in all its wonder.
The coffee is hot, its smell delights my senses. So quiet, even the birds are still sleeping. (so are the four leggeds) sshhh, I am savoring the moment...
Almost ready  to get back into the "STOMP OF THINGS" now that I'm unpacked and have just about "caught up" from being gone! Much to do, many thank you cards to write!

Thinking this morning about our ole' friend grief, and the many ways grief finds its way to us. Sometimes strong and head on... and then again sometimes subtle, coming on in little ways, but there are times that grief catches us by complete surprise, "sneaky grief" at times!

Health care providers, hospice workers, those who work with patients and families are always working and walking with loss and grief issues... they are the ones that I love talking with at seminars, at keynotes. Sometimes they too "don't know what they don't know"... they are so very busy, doing more with less these days, but make no mistake, they too are warriors walking with cumulative loss and grief.
Funny how we forget, they are like the rest of us!
HUMAN~

I see the light of morning beginning to break through the darkness... don't you just love that? oh my where was I... oh yes, SNEAKY GRIEF! LOL

Grief Can Be Sneaky




Let’s talk about that sly little thief of joy we call grief. It can sneak up on us when we least expect it. Someone uses an expression that was a favorite of our loved one and we suddenly find ourselves undone.
We hear a favorite song, or a ballad that holds special memories and we feel tears dribbling down our cheeks. We look at a picture, or find an old shirt in the back of the closet, we are, long after we think our grief work is done at a festive gathering and feel absolutely bereft. Alone. Surrounded by useless frivolity.
 We are suddenly so sad, so utterly and absolutely isolated from everyone.
That my friends is grief at it’s finest. Yep, grief may even make us think we have “lost it altogether.
That we will never fully heal. That we will be at it’s mercy forever. Not true.

After all, shortly after the death of our loved one, and indeed for some undetermined time afterward, the people that know us well, and care about us, give us some time and space to honestly grieve.

But later, when even WE think we are over the hurdle, have come to terms with our loss, have found our balance and have even rediscovered some joy. When we least expect it. A set back.
Not a break down, well, maybe a melt down, but we find we are right back at that awful place where our grief is somehow raw again.



Does it ever end? Yes and No.
We are never “over it”. With time and work, we GET THROUGH IT, "who you are is not who you've been and you can't go back there again", remember reading that?We are not the same person we once were.
Loss and Grief changes us forever. BUT, although our loved one died, our relationship with them lives on forever... Hearts that are connected in life, cannot be separated in death... death is not that strong!

 It makes us wiser in some ways, but we are different now.
Our lives are changed. We have lost someone special, someone no one can replace.
That is as it should be. Our relationships are not interchangeable.
Had we not loved, truly loved that special person in such a unique way, we would have no need to mourn them. We would simply forget them and move o

There are times when just the opposite of the sneak attack of grief rears it’s ugly head too. An anniversary or birthday approaches and we are agonizing over the impending date.
We just know it will be beyond bearable. The date arrives and we cannot this time shed a tear. Somehow, all the "horribe-izing" is for naught.
We fondly remember the date, our loved one, our loss, and “nothing.” No tears, no heart wrenching suffering. We sit with it. Amazed.
Grief is tricky like that too. It’s unpredictable, and very predictable at the same time.



Others warn us of what to expect, and maybe it works the way they said, and sometimes it doesn’t.
Grief is not logical. Grief runs the gambit. It can be anticipatory, with a calm let down, at the time of the actual event. It can be sudden and set us spinning.

We can see ourselves pulling it off like Jackie Onassis, and find that we have turned into a weeping, blubbering mess. It can be perceived as resolved, only to churn itself up when we least expect it.
 It is an arduous journey.
Healing is the destination, and in due time it will come.
 It will not be rushed.
                It may not be the way we anticipate it to be.


So what do we do. How do we get our head around this tricky, sneaky experience?

Accept that while we can impact the experience, we can not control the entire journey. Some of it we just have to roll with.
 Know that we will be surprised by our own reactions sometimes.
Accept that our hearts work at there own pace.
This is not a mind over matter issue.
It is an issue of the heart, mind, body, spirit.
It is a healing journey that paces itself. it may be best travelled with a companion, a therapist skilled in grief issues.
Once we stop trying to anticipate every reaction, stop trying to “get control” of it, and allow ourselves to adapt to it’s rhythm, we will find it settles somewhere in our heart more softly, over time.



When the time is right, and it is different for each of us, we may be able to look at that old photograph, hear that sweet special song, and smile instead of cry. We will at some point, purposely call up all our favorite memories of our loved one and bask in them




It will not happen because we insist, it may not be in any particular point in time, but it will come. When our hearts are ready, the pain will diminish. The memories will comfort us not torture us. Give yourself all the time you need.



Embrace life when you are ready. Honor your loved one in a million ways.
Allow others to comfort you when you desire it, make time for you.
Time to do your grief work, time to heal. Know that it is a journey, and let that sneaky, perpetrator of grief do it’s thing, let sneaky grief know that you do not fear its presence, be not afraid.
At some point in time, you will feel more whole again. Ready to rejoin the spontaneity you once enjoy ~ You can have balance when grief shows up~
There is balance and mind-body-spirit connections; balance that sneaky grief with times of laughter, memories that sustain, honor memories with being the legacy and doing great things here with mindful purpose.

The fire is burning, embers are hot. Sending healing thoughts and HOPE in prayers for what you need, on the winds this morning as the light now has overtaken the darkness to Chris, JILL, 6 year old Shelby and her family and friends, Tom in Chicago, Faith, Denise, Jim, Joanie, Liz, Lee on the waters, Miss Molly, Cindy in Virginia, "Southwest Virginia", Mr. Harper, Charlie Soap and family, Tammy Stansell's family, Vicki's mom, Laura, and all who have asked...
The warpaint is on, thoughts and prayers of others surround you, we will fight with you stand strong, have faith, S T O M P.

Wherever you are today, whatever you are doing,.. have the best day, CELEBRATE YOU,
STOMP
S   T   O   M   P

You are your most precious gift to self and all those that you know... treat you with great love and respect.

Walk In Beauty,
DRSES
author of
Healing Heartaches, Stories of Loss and Life
http://www.drsherryeshowalter.com/
order yours!
 











Be kind to you. Be well, be loved. Lean into the work you must do on your journey.



Ask for what you need. You know best what that is. May you always feel loved. Our loved ones are but a breath away. Always in our hearts and minds, where they will live with us until the last breath we draw