Ah but for the wonder of pictures!
I just knew there would come a day that the pictures that I've taken through the years would come in handy... they speak so many stories and are interpreted in so many ways depending on the day and the eyes that look upon them.
I like that... some will say it's to rough to get over, or maybe too tough to get under... but I will say, look at the beauty and then find your way across!
I have heard the messages through the years, "If I had only known then what I know now, I would have done things differently"! But when asked specifically what would have been different, often I am told, "Well... I'm not really sure".
Somedays it's too rough to get over, and seems too tough to get under... so you may just have to go through it; whatever it is!
Whether with the help and support of those you love and who love you or alone. Is it possible to be alone in this world by choice as an adult? To be truly all alone in this vast world in which we live? Perhaps some choose to be alone; perhaps others have allowed time and distance to make them feel alone in their journey... More thoughts to ponder.
We may have done things differently if we had more knowledge, better understanding. But those things are often learned during the journey through life, loss and grief; after the death of a loved one or the loss of a way of life or a treasured friend. There is no advanced planning or courses to prepare for things in school that I know of. If you can say that you have loved in the best ways possible, you have done everything you can do.
It is purposeful to recognize no one prepares us to be a caregiver, few people are ever instructed on how to prepare for the death of a loved one or someone precious in our lives. We usually work with what we have; with what we know, what we have been taught, with our hearts and our souls.
To anguish over what we could have done, rather than what we did do will hardly ever serve us well! Many regrets are often imagined or "yesterday". They are not the "real and today" of our lives; the thoughts and responses of the pain and loss we are feeling in our nervous systems. What we really are saying and feeling is that we were not ready for that person to leave us; we were not through loving them here yet; we were not finished resolving problems, past hurts yet. We did not want to be left!
We were not ready! We are never ready, not really.
We can wish that we had been more knowing; more circumspect, we can still wish that circumstances were different. We often hope that the rains will not fall; the storms not leave us feeling alone and cold, the darkness not last so long... We wish we could see beyond the pain... We hope for a glimpse of the rainbow, but we are afraid of experiencing it without that precious someone beside us. We need a spirit guide to assure us, to remind us that there is no death, only a change of worlds.
We need support, to reach out of that cocoon and ask for help at times. We must invest in self in order to restore balance.
Reflect for a moment... breathe deeply (or as deeply as is comfortable) give yourself permission to say: "I did the best that I could. I loved ____________________ the best way I knew.
And if that is not your truth, then... breathe deeply (or as deeply as is comfortable) give yourself permission to say: "I did not do the best that I could. Please forgive me, I forgive me."
"This brings rest to my heart. I feel like a leaf after a storm, when the wind is still". (Petalasharo)
When that picture makes you think it is too rough to get over, or too tough to get under... take a deep breath, and make the decision for you to walk across... slow and steady wins the race!
Walk In Beauty,
author of Healing Heartaches, Stories of Loss and Life
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5 comments:
Good Morning Cuz,
Now I can really relate to this blog and I totally agree. We have to say to ourselves and believe that we have done or did the best we could. It may take years to get over or get through it but I know in time and with much support from family and friends that it can be done. I have been over and under and now I am where God feels I should be~
"Every Day is A Gift" and we should all "Live Like There's No Tomorrow"~~~~~
Love ya "whole lots"
Thank you for a very beautiful and very tear provoking blog. I like the quote from Petalasharo....not only do I like feeling like a leaf, but I have been researching him and like all I have learned about him.
So...he saved a "girl" from torture. As adults, I guess we need to save ourselves from torture. I have been pondering your thought about truly being alone in this vast world as adult for many, many, many years. I think it is torture and I can not fathom why anyone would want to be completely alone. Maybe I am one of the most ignornant people on the face on the earth...but I have been trying several options for years...figuring if one thing does not work...try something different. Today is the 7th day of the new year and I went out yesterday to find someone to speak to. Our library now has only self service check out...so I could not talk to a librarian. The gas stations are only self serve...so I could not talk to an attendant. In order to speak to anyone, I had to go to Wendy's to order a hot drink. Now...if I did not go to Wendy's...I would have no one to speak to. Now..I have tried the usual: faith communities, grief support, volunteering, community service, etc. The organization that begins with an H should really interview applicants before we invest 6 weeks of our lives taking classes...only to be told we are grieving too much to be able to volunteer.
Oh...do not dare smile in a grief support group...you will be kicked out and told they are only for people who are grieving...not for people who want to socialize and meet people. Somehow that picture of the dolphin just came back to me...that dolphin does not agree. Yes...sometimes we need to ask for help...and everything just becomes a big fight with doctors and lawyers. After almost 10 years, I am tired of fighting. My current battle is with a community center. I am fighting with my cardiologist for the "right" to walk in a flat, temperature controlled environment in a community center. I even have to fight for the right to walk! Looks like I may have to wait yet another year to officially be a "senior." Back to your photo...if you cannot go over, under, or across it....maybe you have to walk around it and that may take many lifetimes to do. Thank you for letting me vent and feel light as a leaf. Must wonder if you are sorry you encouraged comments here.
When reading ANY blog it is good to remember that you are reading one person's thoughts. Some days those thoughts may be too much for you to handle. I have recently discovered there is a next blog tab. If reading this is too hard you can always hit the next blog and see what you will get.
All I can say from seeing the rock (manmade or natural) in that photo is when you hit rock bottom you got 2 ways to go...Straight Up or Sideways! I'd go with the up end of the thought! If you put yourself "up" whether it be breathing, posture, attitude, the rest of your emotions could very easily follow! We must do the best we can each day, not just when we lose someone we cared for and or loved so much, and wallow in the coulda, shoulda, woulda. Think about it, get "up"! (You just might learn to like what you see), and others will notice it too. Life is that "gift" we so often take for granted.
Sherry,
Loved your blog today! Gave your book mark out today to a man that came in my office delivering Insurance Certificates to me and ended up telling me he lost a dear friend in a car accident and how he didn't know how the wife was going to cope. I said "this is who she needs to see and I gave my spill". I sent him on his way and said you didn't really come into see me and deliver these certificates...you came in for me to have you send your friend's wife to Sherry!
And so it goes!!
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