"A child believes that only the action of someone who is unfriendly can cause pain"
(Chased-By-Bears)
Adult children often express profound sadness and regret that there was not enough time after the death of an Elder; parent or grandparent. We become so aware of time during times like this!
Each person's journey through grief is often determined by the types of relationship shared between the Elder and the adult child. I will tell you that even those relationships that are tumultuous in life leave profound grief for the survivor! Usually no matter the relationship, as long as a parent or grandparent is alive, the door to improving the relationship is open for change or improvement... but when death occurs that seems to shut the door for most leaving complications in resolving the grief and the forgiveness issues.
The loss of a parent or Elder will often challenge your view of your world around you. The reactions of friends and family members may surprise you as well. You may feel you have been "forgotten" or that your grief is not as important as other types of losses. You may need to let others know what you need and do not need as time goes by.
It may become important over time to remind yourself and others that your relationship with your Elder(s) was unlike any other relationship. No one will ever know us the same way or know our past or will dream our futures in the same light as our Elders!
Our Elders may be our true hero's ... or not, but they will always be a major force in our lives. They have shaped and helped us to become who we are ~~~ and for that we must agree!
Much to think about, more tomorrow...
I will leave you with this final thought for today:
There will be people who cannot appreciate the depth of your loss of a parent, grandparent or Elder.
Walk In Beauty
author of Healing Heartaches, Stories of Loss and Life
http://www.healingheartaches.com/
http://www.drsherryeshowalter.com/
order your autographed copies and let others know of http://www.drses.blogspot.com/
7 comments:
I agree that many people will not "get it" but I for one am willing to remind those who push me to heal. I will deal/heal in my own way and am sensitive to losses of others. There is no right way to grieve as you often tell us. What is right for one person does not have to be right for the next person.
Thank you for this blog Dr. Showalter
I agree that there is no right or wrong way to grieve. I also believe there is no right or wrong way to live, providing we do not hurt others or engage in illegal activities. After reading the 2010 Handbook...I now know I am a complete failure as I would not have any idea how to follow 90% of the suggestions. Not every person reading this or the book is wealthy, well educated, and knows lots of VIPS. Some of the blogs are educational, though many have made me believe I am incapable of living in society. If there is no right way to grieve...there is no right way to live. With internet...you can have food delivered and never even have to leave the house.
To Anonymous #2: First and foremost, thanks for your comments, but I must tell you, blogts are the thoughts of a person, not the counsel or therapy or resources for those who read them. I am find myself wondering several things: 1, how you found my blogs, 2, why you read them, 3. what you are looking for, 4. why you sign in as anonymous, 5. why you consider yourself a complete failure, 6. why you assume everyone is wealthy 7. what VIP's have to do with anything and where the VIP's come into this blog, ... and so it goes...,
I will tell you that if you have a warm home, can afford internet services and are able to write your thoughts and search the web, you are not ignorant. Freedom isn't free, nor are services that are provided by skilled clinicians or goods and other things we must pay for in life. Faith communites are good places to find support and others to talk with as are community centers and the like. Yes there is a right and wrong way to live...
Best of all things to you. I end with saying that if anything in this blog is helpful to you, that is great... keep what is worth keeping and let the rest go...
comment to Sherry regarding Anonymous # 2
You are 100% correct.
Your blogs are worthwhile to me and most reading them.
I think Anonymous #2 is reading something most of us do not see on the written page. Your blogsa are wonderful. I too do not know what she is talking about when she mentions VIP's, home delivery of food, not being rich..... In fact most of her response was rather disjointed. Perhaps she should be on a mental health site. Sounds like she is miserable. I personally agree with your philosophy, It is all about choices. Make each day what you want it to be...Thanks for the blogs, I wouldn"t miss um.
Excellent blog today Sherry...especially since I found myself crying today when my Mathew said something to me that my father had said to him..
Tears do come ...even 3 years later..
Thanks Sherry for this blog & mostly for YOU.
Blessings to you Vicki and IRM... thanks for reading and commenting! You've walked the walk... this cold and dark weather is having its way with many who are having grief reactions and the "missing" feelings... Hope Healing Heartaches is helping and that you are enjoying it.
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