What was that Imaginary Friends Name
I Had When I Was Little?
Questions like that will come up and you will ask everyone in the family and they will all answer the same way... "If Granny was here she would remember and tell you"!
Fat lot of good that does me now! And so it goes... the Elders, the holders of the memories and names of our imaginary friends. Had we known then what we know now, we would have been sure to ask more questions and have written down more answers!
More facts for the forgotten mourners...
Many people may not have seen you with these significant people in order to appreciate the importance of the relationship!
There are going to be those people who will say "well, she was up in years you know!" (don't you just love those people)?
If you have a spouse or children they may not feel the loss as severely as you do. It will depend upon the relationship that was shared between them.
Social expectations for your journey through grief may not be based in reality as you are experiencing it.
Routines will return, people will stop asking how you are doing.
It will become your responsibility to "let people know what you need/want from them".
Others may want to tell you "their story" rather than listen to yours!
People may stop asking "how are you" if you really tell them the truth!
Look for support groups that are for those who have lost a parent, keep looking or suggest it to your local hospice or faith community.
The death of an Elder and its implications are profound experiences in our lives.
As one person said to me not so long ago, "I didn't just lose my Dad, I lost my best friend and my hero"!
But I will never forget a dear woman who told me about returning to work and riding on an elevator with her colleague a couple of weeks after the death of her Mother. She was feeling the profound loss of her Mom and was silently waiting to reach her floor when her colleague said, "What in the world is wrong with you, you look like you lost your best friend today"? She was taken aback and without thinking she replied, "I did, don't you remember, my Mom died two weeks ago". She said that when those elevator doors opened her colleague leapt off the elevator and didn't look back... she didn't see her for weeks after that! What struck me about that conversation is this: I was proud of this wonderful woman in that she spoke her truth; she did not candy coat her reality and she probably was so taken off guard that by the comment that she just didn't have time to make something up. But keep in mind, there is no shame in "tellin it like it is"!
Know that some people will avoid you, some will be completely out of touch with your painful reality. Again, there is no shame in asking for what you need, just know that some will be able to answer and help while others will not.
oops! almost forgot... some have had trouble posting their comments... we've found out that if you just hit post comment again it will work! Keep those comments and questions coming!!! Blessings to you and yours wherever you are.
Walk In Beauty
author of Healing Heartaches, Stories of Life and Loss
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4 comments:
As an adult daughter who lost both parents, I can agree with today's blog, I know, because I have lived it's raw stage and now live everyday with the aftermath of being forgotten
I struggle EVERY day with the loss, even now.
IRM
Todays blog will hit home to lots of people who have had a loving family. Some of our friends and even strangers will not remember what our conversation was last week. Sometimes we fail to listen to other people and their hurts. In todays society we are thinking of ourselves(while there is nothing wrong with that), we are caught up with just trying to Make each day count. We need to pay more attention to family and friends. Keep up the good work of helping us to understand.
Another great blog Sherry...
I still struggle at times with the loss of my Dad. I have to try and remember I still have my Mom...though it appears I do forget at times~ getting caught up in the struggle...
Takes as long to heal from the loss of a parent as any other significant loss. Both my parents are dead and I promise you it does settle softer in your heart over time.... maybe a long time. Still miss having my folks here but loved them wel and remember them often.
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