The Wisdom Keepers

The Elders

oh how I can remember the times

when I would hear the stories,

the legends, the wisdom.

When we would revel in the Grandparents,

the Elders

those who held the stories

the visions

our memories

who wished for our futures,

who dreamed for us

and would laugh through

their trail of tears,

while encouraging our desires and reminding us of our roots, our foundations, of Creator

and kindness;

even when life had not been so kind.

I remember hearing how loved the little ones were, how much fun the grandbabies were, and how wonderful it was to care for, to spoil and love them,

and to know

"the best thing of grandbabies is knowing they will go home after a spell"!

Oh but we were loved.

Some of us were even blessed to grow up in intergenerational extended families

...

Everyone worked, played, prayed together.

...

Big families were the norm;

back in the day.

Before folks and families and times changed;

became fragmented when people struck out and left nests to make it on their own,

some far away as they can go,

others left for better opportunities.

But now?

The statistics are staggering.

CARGIVING HAS TAKEN A NEW

all time high.

It is not the kids always doing the caring nor the giving.

That sandwich generation has many layers and textures.

Grandparents, Godparents, Kinships

are caregiving.

Intergenerational grief/loss/sorrow

also includes

CAREGIVING

and it is being done by grandparents;

mostly by the strong women truth be told, now the very same women who need care themselves are raising grandchildren.

It is remarkable to know the numbers, to know the reasons, to realize the depth of the issues and all that families led by matriarchs are going through day in and day out to keep some semblance of family and values, along with rich and culture history alive within their walls of a home.

Caregiving takes a remarkable toll on those providing care;

access to help, to services,  to support love and continued traditions are spread thin.

We see it in so many cultures, tribes, communities

as strong women stand up in spite of their own health problems, limited economic resources or emotional back ups.

The Elders are our history, they form our foundations ... they have earned our respect; they teach us traditions and hold our dreams.

Those who never knew Grandparents, extended family miss so very much.

...

Yet, there are so many who now

are tending to the children of their children, the children of their siblings or neices and nephews,

in charge of new generations

secondary to a myriad of things, circumstances, sometimes bad choices and devastation.

These folks have raised their kids, have fostered their beginnings,

now ready and deserving of care themselves!

Yet, somehow they now are shouldering the responsibilites that are not or should not be theirs to shoulder

and doing it against all reason and all odds.  More often than not, this comes with great sacrifice to the Elders/Grandparents physically, spiritually/emotionally.

Take a drink of coffee or water

and just imagine

this.,.

In the United States today, there are approximately 5.8 million grandparents living with a grandchild. Of that number, 2.4 million grandparents ­ mostly grandmothers ­ are the primary caregivers of grandchildren, providing for most of their basic needs when their own parents cannot or will not.

Some of those parents are not around, are incarcerated or have susbstance abuse issues

or have health issues, have died

or have been victimized

or

have just disappeared out of their childs life.

...

Grandparent Caregivers are usually defined as those who are residing with, or who are the primary guardian of their grandchildren younger than 18 years old (Jooste, 2007).  

Other commonly used terms include: custodial grandparents, kinship foster care, and grandparent-headed families. 

According to Jooste (2007), there are two major types of households found most prevalently in the research: “skipped generation households” and “three generation co-parenting households,” where the grandparent and grandchild co-reside without the parent or all three generations co-reside with the grandparent holding primary responsibility for the child, respectively; yet what we often find is that the grandparent is parenting the child and the grandchild!

Who cares for the caregiver?

The times have changed since our Grandparents sent us to the store for a bottle of pop and a pack of nabs...

We now have to wonder and worry if they will pick up K2/Spice/Bath Salts for the next high on the streets and the next fatal synthetic drug overdose.

Many don't know that this crap can kill who are aware, so how do we expect grandparents to be up to date with all this, particularly in rural America?

Many kids now search first for their party drugs in the medicine cabinets at home;

where many Grandparents have a wealth and steady stock of prescription medications and would not dare to think that their precious grandchild or adult child could be using....

In Native American communities

inter-generational grief/loss/trauma is ingrained; it has been lived so long that it is hard to think that help is available to folks who are used to trauma.

The grandparents there who are mostly women have lived through trails of tears, through boarding schools and trauma, loss, rape.

Places where alcholism, poverty, unemployment is the highest of anywhere in the country,

now are raising the grandkids and their great-nieces and nephews or the neighbors children and trying to teach them the red road;

yet without means or support,

or awareness and education

to feel empowered

and thanked for all they have survived.

There are circles and cycles of sorrow and fear and detachment and shame

yet these Elders stand up forsaking their own dreams and health to take on responsibilites that are not theirs and attempt to take care of others.

...

The toll of caregiving is enormous

and where is the gratitude to our

Elders?

We must remember the Ancestors, the Elders

the attitude of great gratitude

that we walk

for they are

the Wisdom Keepers.

The health is important, their stories are vital,

their wellbeing is critical to the future generations.

It should come as no surprise that the word health has the word

HEAL in it.

We must take time to HEAL the wounds of the past in order to care for the now of our world and those living in it.

We must pay attention in order to be better stewards to those who are caregivers in order for them to feel validated on their journey with hope in healing ways.

...

Our candles remain lit

for our

young warrior Thomas O'Brien

and his beautiful Mom Debbie Koenig, who cares so lovingly for him as only a Mom can do.

WE ARE STANDING

...

Wado!

walk in Beauty

DRSES

www.sherryeshowalter.com