Wednesday, February 20, 2013

People ... and the ability to change

Maybe we need to pay attention to the signs more often! Stop... 

People stay stressed these days, often as a result of not following through with their plans, not realizing that they are the master/mistress of their own destiny. Some want it all, want it now, want it their way no matter the cost. Some throw caution to the winds that are always changing rather than shifting their sails for the changing times and changing winds. Some will use words like, "I'm sorry", yet not make the needed follow through of actions to indicate that indeed they have learned through trial and error and admission of wrong and mistakes that most will make in their lives and stumbles. We are all works in progress and yet some fall into patterns and behaviors and choose to not change as the winds do. The old expressions of "sink or swim" apply to everyday life and many will try to slowing creep through warning signs, stop signs, and fail to yield or follow-through thinking that somehow miraculously doing the same thing over and again will somehow yield a different result. If folks are not wise enough to realize that things do not change, it is people who change, then it would seem they have fallen into the sea of Denial and often take others down with them until all reason is lost in the vast unknown and darkest of times.

Perfect examples are being witnessed around the world now; with social media, with people in grocery stores and those on the streets. Homes in foreclosure and those with big dreams and aspirations. With those who will sit beside you or across a table in restaurants having conversations of how they think and how they believe along with how they "see it" and their way is the best and often the only way. Seldom do you hear where there is pause, compromise or the true "I'm sorry" with a follow up to then make amends on what a person was or is sorry for. People have amazing abilities to change, yet often choose not to follow up to do the very things that change requires to better lives or those around them.
Overhearing a recent conversation in a restaurant I found it remarkable as the conversation grew louder and two people seemed oblivious that they were out in public talking so intimately and the circle widened to include those of us that were dining:

person 1: I'm really doing great in the new job, and Mom is helping with the kids and clothes and such. It's going to be great but the bills! UGG! (a sigh that could be heard across the room)
person 2:  Wow, you are really blessed to have such a strong support system. Have you put down on paper what you are spending, and what you are earning so that you can see where the money is going? That would help you to decide if you can afford where you are right now and then you wouldn't have to be stressed all the time you know. It worked for me and I down-sized.
person 1: Oh I never keep a budget I don't even know how to balance a check book, so I just use money orders! Let's do that now, will you help me?
person 2: YOU DON"T HAVE A CHECKING ACCOUNT and you are raising kids? OK, you need an intervention

*NOTE: no one could make this up
   person 1:You are my friend, don't judge me just write. Ok, my rent is 1,000., my phone is 100., cable is 150., gas is 100., electric about 80., food maybe 200., uh, well, oh insurance is about 150. and what else is there?

person 2:  you are asking me what else is there? really? what about school supplies, clothing, toilet paper, personal items, lights, water, things like that, when you go out to eat, funny money, and how much do you make a month for example?
person 1:  wow this is hard stuff here, ok, let me think. I make about 2000. and the family takes care of the kids stuff and oh yes the light and water another maybe 200 together.
I give the kids spending money but I dont know how much.

person 2: *loud voice>>> YOU NEED TO MOVE IMMEDIATELY. are you out of your ever loving mind friend? YOU cannot afford your own life and are in a black hole before you spend one cent each month, look at this !

person 1:  It's not that bad, and I am NOT moving. I can handle it.
person 2: Handle what? YOU are in a crisis here and cannot afford to even handle day to day life... you need to wake up and smell the coffee, LOOK at this.

*NOTE>>> my friend and I looked at each other in complete amazement after hearing this conversation, about people in general and these two in particular as we talked at length about the realities of change, of perceptions, or responsibilities. By the time the conversation the we and others had witnessed it was not lost on us that one person was without a doubt in more trouble then most are with each cashing of a check, and with a friend who was trying desperately to help. By the time she had finished her conversation it sounded as though her friend was more than $300.00 short before she spent the first dollar each month while living above her means, and we both were astounded at how she could not understand that with just the stress that she must be living with. As we glanced at the two of them, I found it amazing that the friend appeared more stressed than the one who was living and adamantly opposed to changing her focus or changing her life!
  WE could not imagine wearing such a burden, nor putting that burden on kids, on Elders financially and on self by working so hard to be in the hole. Even feeling bad for the friend who was so passionate to help yet seemed to not be making a dent in the mindset of her friend as her voice rose and probably her blood pressure as well. Sometimes u just have to shake your head and wonder how far someone has to fall or how much pain they must continually suffer before they make those needed changes to change their situation and their life for and in good ways... what a night to eat out was my thinking.

Moral to the story?

 There are times when the pain will finally get so bad that people will shift their sails to get out from the storm that they have created or that circumstances or situations have hit ... there will come a time when everyone needs someone to calmly sit and help another to see reality and to offer a hand into the light. 
When the student is ready, the teacher will appear. Not one second sooner...
 what a great meal, and to think I didn't have to sit at that table made it more enjoyable than anyone will ever know.
Just keepin it real.

Walk in Beauty,  


fluff said...

Great words today Dr. Sherry. It is amazing how some people live their lives and not willing to make changes when a change is what needs to be done. I love the photos also. Made me chuckle.
Hope you are all haveing a terrific day and all is well. /Sandy♥

DrSES said...

chuckles are a very good thing! blessings to you and all those fine folks in Detroit! xo

Anonymous said...

I think I AM the "Jackass Whisperer".... seems I also spend a lot of hot air offering sage advice to donkeys.... Must be something in the water. Stuff like this makes me think of your suggestion that we not take Tylenol for someone else's headache!

DrSES said...

oh no another jackass whisperer! I do believe "we have all been one".......and yet we must remember to not take that tylenol for the fever of others! be well and thanks for being here!