Part 6 ~ The Forgotten Mourners ~

Did I leave anything out?

As I end this little series of thoughts for the "forgotten mourners" I guess I should share a few thoughts on the topic of {guilt and forgiveness}, wouldn't want to leave those boulders left unturned now would we? heehe!!!

Guilt is often an unwelcome but often intrusive visitor along the journey through grief. It is important to know and to find your way in "believing in your heart" that guilt and remorse are often a normal reaction to loss itself!

Those who are grieving the loss of someone significant in their lives are caught up in the "if only; should of, could of, might have been".  Some people may become rather obsessed in their guilt, leading to a complicated journey to be sure, one that may require the help and assistance of specialized help ... perhaps a grief therapist/counselor, while others will learn to incorporate their temporary feelings of guilt into the journey of grief.  Guilt may appear as a result of an unfinished conversation with your loved one; business that may not have had time to be finished here on this earth.  Those feelings of guilt can obscure our view of the world, leaving us with feelings of not being a good person, being unworthy; feeling extreme pain and hopelessness. It may be that the adult child feels that they should have "magically" known that death was impending, therefore allowing them to be or do something different than was actually done!

I have often witnessed feelings of guilt in the bereaved who were not present when death occurs. Those folks often hold on to thoughts of, "if only I could have just been there".  People may think if they could have been physically present things may have been different; perhaps they could have controlled the outcome, maybe they would have had the opportunity to finish all the conversations that they had hoped to finish "someday", or maybe even made amends for past conflicts and/or pain...

Could it be that we need to feel some sense of control during this difficult time in our lives... a time when we really have no control?

IF ONLY.... if only we had more time; if only I had made the best use of each day; each moment, each minute... if only I had loved you better!!! If only I had control...

"If only I had lived each day as if it were my last ~

I would have no regrets, no guilt, no remorse!

Ah, but we are only human & we sometimes forget that!

As little children we may get mad, holler, scream and then we

feel better!

As adults we have become too civilized to work through our pain in the same ways...

We forgot how to holler ~

What a shame!

Adults will always be children to their parents"

• It is normal to want comfort and support when missing our Elders
• It is normal to openly express feelings of guilt and anger
• It is normal to wish things would have been different
• It is normal to feel like an adult orphan
• It is normal to have feelings of relief/sadness/guilt & emptiness
• It is normal to need to be hugged
• It is normal to laugh & remember the good ole' days
• It is normal to know you did the best you could at the time
• It is normal to feel like a lost child sometimes
• It is normal to give yourself permission to heal
• It is normal to live the best life possible
• It is normal to tell your stories and to remember them
• It is normal to LIVE LAUGH AND LOVE
• It is normal to take Best Care Of  YOU
• It is normal to continue to conversations with your Elders...

This conclude my thoughts for now on the Forgotten Mourners...
I welcome your thoughts, comments and questions....


Walk In Beauty


author of Healing Heartaches, Stories of Loss and Life

order your autographed copies at:
http://www.healingheartaches.com/
http://www.drsherryeshowalter.com/