Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Kitchen Tables & The Stories They Hear Part 2

This ole' Table has many Stories!

Thanks for the comments yesterday on the blog! They were wonderful. Many read these blogs and never comment; some say they can't figure out quite how to do that! So from them I often receive emails, but mostly I get emails from those who are reading or have read Healing Heartaches...

One reader wrote yesterday in the comments saying she is out advocating for Healing Heartaches and spreading the word; she hopes to start a book club at Borders in her area.  She has been told that Healing Heartaches is available through Borders online only and not in the store! Now that has me at the kitchen table ready to eat the wood this morning since I spend a bulk of my time marketing and promoting Healing Heartaches, I have learned so much in such a short amount of time regarding these things!

The first thing I have learned is: it is very hard to promote your own book without having a whole lot of money to hire someone to promote your book for you and to get it on the bestsellers list! haha
The second thing I have learned is: I do not give up easily.
The third thing I have learned is: Borders and any other book store can order Healing Heartaches from Infinity Publishing and stock their shelves with as many copies of Healing Heartaches as they want! They can even contact the author to request a book signing!!!
The fourth thing I have learned is: I do not give up at all!

So as I sit at the kitchen table this morning I have decided rather than eating the wood, I would reflect on those times gone by and all the kitchen table insight I have gathered through the years . . . remembering those times both great and sad, and all the laughter and wisdom found there. It is true that people don't know what they don't know.

I heard from many through emails yesterday and this morning about yesterday's blog via email; one said this,
"your blog today went right through me, right through my body, and I am unable to comment right now, but thank you".

Another told me of a story that prompted a few phone calls to others that he hadn't talked to in years after a gathering at a kitchen table . . . wounds and words that left all ready to "tear the blanket" or as most would say, end the relationship forever more. After reading the blog, he made a few phone calls, he spoke in the email of the tears that were shed, the forgiveness that was shared right there on the phone and the very large hatchet that was able to be buried right then ~ right there. He said that somehow he felt a connection to DrSES and wanted to be able to share this remarkable news brought about by reading this blog about a "damned ole' kitchen table", and so he did!

The "denial, bargaining, anger, depression, acceptance" of Elisabeth Kubler-Ross' stages of grief were all expressed, felt and resolved in that conversation, observed in that one email... all understood to have begun around a kitchen table. Remember those things from Healing Heartaches?

What are your experiences with those stages/phases that Dr Ross made legendary more than 30 years ago? Have you noticed that they occur in no particular order and are often re-visited over and over again, sometimes when you least expect them?

To think you may be sitting at the kitchen table, at Borders, in your car when those feelings/sensations find their way to you; do you recognize them?

IN closing my thoughts today:

I look forward to your comments, keep them coming.
Remember, you can ask and ask again that your local Borders, Barnes and Noble along with other bookstores carry Healing Heartaches, Infinity Publishing on their shelves. Sometimes the squeaky wheel does get the oil!

Or, you can order from
shipping in 24 hours autographed with as low as I can go shipping rates for you!

You can now go to and write your review on Healing Heartaches as well! Let them and others know what you think!

Lily the Black Bear and cubbie are doing well in MN where temps are oh so cold! You can see them at and that baby can sure holler! They are in the process of naming her ~
Lily now has 80,000+ fans on Facebook, she is soon to beat Jack Canfield!!! haha

Joan & Olivia in MD are "really over it Nana" when it comes to the snow and looking for spring. The igloo is there somewhere under more snow."

Godson Kamryn 8 y/o had a fantastic basketball game, but more importantly had a fantastic report from the pediatric cardiologist who says he is great and that the chest pains the little one had, no need to worry! Whew...

The babies?  No falls in the pool, so we are all good on that front!

My Mom?  No guesses on the name COB and no winners there... heehe She continues to volunteer at: hospice, the nursing home, the YMCA, the community, the.... (you name it, she's into it)

Have the best day ever and know that:

"I take you by the hand with all my heart... you have spoken comfort to us." (Little Beavers Wife)

Walk In Beauty,

author of Healing Heartaches, Stories of Loss & Life


Linda said...

Allow me to share a reflection inspired by today's blog and Elisabeth's book, On Grief and Grieving. She referred to herself as a Swiss Hillbilly and liked to be called Elisabeth.

I was sitting at my kitchen table when I realized that no one had shared any food around that table this year. So, I invited another widow to share a meal with me when she feels up to doing so. She said she would bring a pie. Pies are very big in the South...the real South.

Thing about pies...there are many types and can be sliced many ways. Imagine a pie ( apple, pecan, or perhaps Swiss chocolate cream in honor of Elisabeth.) That pie can be cut into 5 slices....representing the 5 stages. Elisabeth said, "People love my stages."

Well...we may not always have control over what kind of pie a guest brings, we may not even be in control of how that pie is sliced, but when a slice of pie is put before us, ultimately we are the ones who pick up our fork and bring a mouthful to our lips.

Many daily events may determine what slice of pie you have sitting before you at this moment. It is dark, cold, and windy right now and my smoke alarm is beginning to I've got a pretty large slice of anger pie. My husband is not here to climb the ladder and change the beeping battery. But, I do not need to eat that slice of pie. I can bundle up, buy some batteries and ask someone to help. Found the Fire Station would rather widows with health issues ask for this to be done rather than fall off a ladder.

Now, the other day, I had a large creamy slice of Swiss Chocolate acceptance pie. I was out photographing the enchanting snowfall when I was asked to take some photos of children making a snowwoman......If my husband were still alive I would probably still be in Florida and not be delighted with the first snow I had seen in 20 years. Yummy chocolate acceptance pie!

Glad Christmas is over....I ate too many slices of mincemeat depression pies. Will need to research what exactly mincemeat is.

You get the point...we may not always be in conrol of all our feelings ( what slice of pie is put before us ) We are ultimately the ones to push aside a slice of pie and ultimately the ones to pick up our fork and indulge in a nice slice of acceptance pie.

Maybe I'll purchase a pie with my batteries and offer a thank you slice to the dear soul who stops my beeping. Glad Kamryn is okay...anyone for a slice of gratitude pie?

Anonymous said...

Great blog, enjoyed yesterdays comments too and the one on choosing the slices of pie we pass on and the ones we eat. I think a "thank you" slice for the fireman is a great idea. Nice way to say thanks for their help.
My Borders has Healing Heartaches on back order already. Call your local Border, Barns and Noble and ask them to stock it. They will. They want there customers to get the books they want ot buy at their stores. Quickest way is to order direct from Dr.SES website as you get a signed copy quicker than you can drive to the book store. She also signed and mailed 2 books to friends for me. Go Dr.SES

Irene said...

I am delayed in commenting on the KitchenTable
series, but I am loving them.
Coming from a large Italian family, the kitchen table was the CENTER of our household.
Siblings, cousins, friends, neighbors all gathered together at the kitchen table or dining room, ( when the # of people grew )
Homework, meals, desserts, after church breakfasts, punishments, secrets, you name it.
I was a " problem " child with the antsy gene.
Could not sit still to eat or finish my meal.
My Dad used to lovingly secure me in to my seat to finish my food. Lovingly, I say, cause that's how I perceive it now. Born in July, I have the " constant motion of the crab ", so after each bite of food, I would get up and walk to the window to look outside, be distracted easily. TO THIS DAY, I STILL DO THIS !!!!!!!!!!!!
Dr SES, thanks for bringing this topic to your blog, it digs up memories, good & bad, but unearthing them is all that counts. To FEEL
anything after suffering multiple losses is an event in itself. Thanks, c ya soon IRM