Wednesday, January 16, 2013

WE Teach and We do learn:

With each step, at times with mocs worn thin through the paths walked and some that are forged with newness, we still teach the children at times better than others. We do learn over and again, through their eyes, through their actions and those who influence them, and through the mistakes we make of loving them, of over indulging them, or in not following through with what we begin or in the lessons we set down, or the boundaries we try to lay.
Make no mistake, we learn each day, through our own intentions along with the actions and reactions of others, be them children, adults, family, friends or communities or the global we that surrounds the globe.
Hard truths often slap us in the face with the sound that resounds into our hearts when olive branches are extended and only are left swaying in the breeze from our hand to space.
Actions are began only to be thwarted by others when the benefit is for the greater good yet goes without follow up; at home, at work, in communities.
At times keeping it real, is real difficult yet needs to be said, as yesterdays thoughts.
Many have sent personal emails with thanks and their thoughts as well.
Many have extended the messages and asked for more on the same subject, only deeper as a well it seems.
A well perhaps with a bit of an edge, taken from the statement of "hatchets being buried" and life being without stress of yesterdays thoughts.
It seems that though I did not state it in letters, many read between the defined statements into the knowing that some hatchets seem magical, preferring not to be stay covered in dirt, forgotten about or staying under the ground and let alone.
Many hatchets and things of yesterday, continue to fine their way back into today, their blade as sharp as when once used to inflict harm on another and ready once again to be hurled, to be at the ready to cut and harm another, often a loved one at first chance.
Folks don't seem to gather round the kitchen table to discuss things of the heart, the goals of the greater good and ways to make magic happen these days it seems.
It is much more convenient to  send an "email to all" and to then wait anxiously by the computer for the response and to move along into the next steps of action.
Yet, there always seems to be a problem when trying to work together, something to junque up the works of a seemingly easy attempt to "get along in a stress free time" of greatness or good times.
It continually boggles the mind of so many.
Add to that children, teens, those who want family, extended family, and those magical hallmark moments where everyone just loves each other and the wonderment of road trips and times spent singing the songs of joy and laughter galore.
Well it does sound rather sappy when it's said that way doesn't it?
Or it sounds rather enchanting, depends on your view, and what is in your heart.
it sure doesn't have to be a time of the 
"mee mee's", also known as the "piss and moan" club of who paid for the tuna fish and who had the steak dinner, or who is paying for gas, who is driving who's car and who is responsible for packing the cooler. Who has no money, who owes money, who never had money, and who has no desire to take the trip anyways! It may always be a good idea to talk the pulse of a situation and the dynamics of what is happening and whose needs are being fed and what the expectations and outcomes are likely to be to determine the amount of stress vs. the amount of joy I'm thinking.
Also known as cost vs. benefit!
Stress is something that folks could do easier without if expectations were set in the beginning and if boundaries of behavior were set in relationships.
We do teach people how to treat us..
Kids for example will test all limits, will be and should be all about themselves; wanting it all when they want it for themselves. It is a natural part of most in the age development cycles and we are responsible for teaching them kindness, courtesy, and self regulation along with boundaries of behavior and manners.
When a kid has an attitude or is rude, we have ways to calmly explain why, how they have overstepped their boundaries and to then take steps to help them correct them...
(AKA(.. you will do without something ... as in your cell phone/game for one week, and we will work on social conversations and respect/attitude issues. ... Okie dokie?
Problem solved. Kid is assured they are loved, the thing they love so much is now not a distraction from the desired outcome, all is good.
you take away the follow through and then make the kid feel as though they are not safe to trust that you care enough to walk through this step with them. They want to please, want to know that they matter enough to you that you will enforce what you are saying to them, and will then communicate with them during the week that they are indeed doing what was asked of them. This is how respect is built and sustained.
Grown kids, adults are not so easy!
We can try this; in different ways by saying, "I want to talk with you; and then attempt that".
Yet when that conversation begins and goes south quickly with ugliness/accusations of who shot John and events of last year, 29 years ago, and demands and this and that; one really has no where to go with that.  It's like being on a train destined to derail, and often the best intervention is to not get on that train;  then attempt to let the other person know that you are attempting to have a real conversation in real time, and to clarify the goal.
The second attempt is to set your boundaries by stressing that you are not going to tolerate abuse, and that obviously the person is not willing to bury the hatchet as they are too busy digging it up each time it is buried that grass cannot grow.
Sometimes folks do harm in the words they speak, in the news they share, in the ways in which they talk of and about others and in the way they speak to kids.
It happens, it is reality, it is not always pretty and not always right nor fair.
It happens and bells are rung, and thoughts seeds planted.
To keep it real, we all have to realize that there are just some people who will promote and suck the living air out of you. It is then up to you to decide if air is important to you, and if you want and choose to enter a state of chaos and stress for yourselves.
I can remember seeing a sign once that read;
"Those people that suck the air out of me should take some of the fat while they are at it, then I would be skinny"
The lesson of this thought is
you are the master/mistress of your ship.
Grab the wheel and chart your own course, knowing that the only person who is in control of your happy place and your stress is you.
If you give up place in your head to others, be sure you charge premium prices as that is one high rent district.
Some hatchets may not even be worth burying, if the spot they are buried are marked with a spot for ease of getting back as the one holding them are only cutting themselves with the words, and actions being made while making showing themselves to not be worth of the time and space of others.
It just may be that misery loves company, yet it may be that you are worth better company and company ... Those who seek the light shine brighter, laugh louder, and holler with joyous noise.  Life is too fragile, to beautiful and far too short, to let that light be blocked by concrete bitterness and words that are fueled by unecessary harm done.
Yes, in keepin it real, one must realize that both family of birth and at times friends we find are in our life's for seasons, for reasons, and yet there are times when we have to trim the fat, we must stand strong in our mocs as we stand for those we love including ourselves in how we are treated.
Treat yourself well and beautifully
knowing that the children and the child within each of you is watching and will mirror what is seen; in action, in respect or lack of depending on what is modelled to them.
Do not settle for less.
Ever been in a car for any distance with an unruly animal?
It is not pleasant, but I would prefer that over being in a room with people that acted ugly or puffed up like a bany rooster leaving me wishing I was on an island.
Choose well friends, and be your best selves, even if you have to stand on your belief and say
"enough is enough".
It may not happen often, but when it happens in relationships, we call that
"cutting the blanket"
and it is done.
Those hatchets and olive branches sometimes just  keep coming back to haunt you or make you feel comfortable and then show up with all the same stuff attached to them.
Live and learn I believe the saying goes, and live life with all you have to give.
Forgive all that forgiveness will allow and move into your life with greatness.           
     Words to ponder on this most remarkable day.
Blessings to all who gather here.
              Follow-up and follow-through and letting it go, are the themes of this day.
Knowing and doing are two different things, and each yields results in the respect department in how we are treated.
We all want to be treated well, and we must set the bar for that treatment and care.
What are YOU doing to take best care of you and to assure that others treat you well?
WE do teach and yes, we do learn, with each breath, with each statement and with both ears that take it right to the brain, the heart and the nervous system.
One thing I do know for sure in this wonderful thing known as life.
Everything we have gone through in this life; each and every experience, every love, every loss, every single thing has made us... either better or bitter.
Family, friends, community. those we have grown up with, those we are related to, by birth or by choice.
And reality is this; some have become better than we could ever imagine and the best is yet to come.
Sadly, some have become bitter, and if not related to them we wouldn't entertain a conversation or a cup of coffee.
And may who find that often find the bitterness too bitter to involve themselves with after a time, too stressful and too much to bear, so choices get made based on that often after tears, tries, prayers and contemplations.
Yet we all make choices for our lives whether to dwell in the dark, eat worms, eat steak, or embrace the sunshine or light of hope.
And yes, there comes a time when many a folk have made the conscious decsion to "trim the fat" and to cut folks out that were the cause of stress and heartaches after too many painful lessons continued to wear holes in their mocs and in their souls along the journey.
Teach the children well, follow through, while making them more than they have seen, more than the world thinks possible, more than you can even imagine.

Walk in beauty,

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

wow ..
great words of wisdom here today,
yep, life is way too short to hold on to
the ugly and the painful, why we waste
our precious time with grudges and stuff that continually brings misery is beyond my understanding.. if each day we do our best to just 'do' .. never go into a new day with the vengence to be purposefully hurtful.. yikes, that takes way too much energy ..
you hit the nail on the head today Doc,
thank you for all you give ...
hugging my angels, ♥
sign me, A.