Frustrations/Anger... Life's too short!

Frustration/Anger

Words/Actions

Misunderstanding

All can affect your nervous system

and your world, your peeps, your four-leggeds

and

short-circuiting everything!

Hello Saturday!

Where ya been?

Sun shining, flowers blooming... it's a beautiful day!

Thinking about outshining the sun today, yep

STOMP

I've been thinking about how folks seem so frustrated these day... most recently frustrated and angry about talk of a mosque being built near the sacred and hallowed grounds of "ground zero" post 9/11. Just the other day I ask friends on Facebook to share their thoughts with me on my page: no political rants, but just their thoughts to this question:

Should a mosque be built near the hallowed ground of the terrorist attacks of 9/11? What are your thoughts?

All of a sudden the page "blew up" with the thoughts of many... comments came freely with only a couple that were of strong words of our government and country.

You could feel the frustration, the anger, the hurt and wounds that have yet to heal from a country that still hurts from the terrorist attacks of that day.

We are a proud Nation, one that will stand in the face of adversity, who believes strongly in protecting our men/women/children...

We Will UNITE and will will survive through times of uncertainty... on that I am certain.

WE WILL NEVER FORGET

9/11

Frustration breeds anger because when we are frustrated we feel powerless.
 Anger feeds rage and rage feels powerful.
So we choose anger. Is this really choosing personal power or are we burning our own hand with the hot coal we clutch with the intention of throwing it at our enemy?
Victor Frankl once said,
"That which is to give light must endure burning"


Two things a person should never get angry about, one, what he cannot change,
 the other; what he can change.

To effectively deal with frustration we must clearly evaluate the situation.

Not through anger and blaming, but through awareness.
Why are we frustrated?
How can we impact the change necessary to feel less powerless and more proactive?


If we really are powerless to impact change than we must know that harboring anger and rage, railing against that which we cannot change, changes us.
An angry heart erodes good will, diminishes love, scars the heart.


Get in touch with how anger “feels” in your body.
 Is this the feeling you want to keep? Don’t lodge the anger in your heart as it will eat at all that is good and loving in you.

"Everybody can get angry, that's easy. But getting angry at the right person, with the right intensity, at the right time, for the right reason and in the right way, that's hard." (attributed to Aristotle)

You know the old saying that when angry we should count to ten before we speak?
Well, if very angry, perhaps we should postpone speaking until reason returns.
Angry words cannot be unspoken.
What’s really behind the anger?
This we must know before we can even asses if our anger is worthy.

"Before you speak, ask yourself: Is it kind, is it necessary, is it true, does it improve on the silence?" Shirdi Sai Baba

Everybody feels anger from time to time. If we are angry and want to effect change in a situation, is expression of the anger going to get us to our destination are we just “blowing off steam”.
If it’s the “get it off your chest” stuff. Do it in private.
 Find a safe way to work it out on your own. Pound nails into a board, punch a pillow, you know, take a walk, exercise until you feel less


Pent up.
Then decide how to proceed.

If we allow the anger to be stuffed down inside, or rage at the wrong person, rail against a no-win situation we suffer for the choice.
 Perhaps, the most important anger management skill is to decide the goal in acting on the anger, then chart a course.
Let me use an example here.
 Let’s say a spouse disappointed us in some way. What do we want? We really desire that our spouse knows and cares that we are disappointed.
That our spouse will “hear us” and make a sincere effort to not repeat the offense.
So what are our choices?
 Rant and rave and call them an insensitive SOB. Be petty and look for some way to return the favor? Call them out in front of friends or family? Seethe until we blindside them by acting out our anger at the wrong time, with an unrelated event?
How many times have we tried some or all of these tactics without success?


What about acknowledging where the anger came from.

 Owning the feeling attached to the anger, frustration, disappointment etc.

Privately blowing off the steam until we feel reasonably calm and mature, then making a plan to address the issue.

 Perhaps a quiet conversation.

Use “I” messages like: I felt disappointed when you failed to…” or “I was hurt by your remark”. I promise you have a better chance at effecting change and letting yourself move past the anger to resolve if you share your feelings, rather than jump into attack mode.

This can translate into almost every situation that you are angry about.
Anger begets rage.
So garnering support form a sympathetic listener about your unresolved issue can “feel better” in the short run, but usually feeds irrational anger in the long term.
So we are responsible for knowing what “pushes our buttons.”
 Learn, or resurrect, what anger management skills we need, and employ them.


Two closing thoughts I’d like to share:
 one, how would my feelings be different if the object of my anger dropped dead before I finished being angry?
And two, will this anger serve me well or diminish me?

So, recognize anger when it surfaces.
Evaluate the reason.
Deal with it timely and effectively, then let it go. Don’t feed it, don’t harbor it.
Take full responsibility for your heart and mind.
REMEMBER THIS ONE:
"Bitterness is like cancer. It eats upon the host. BUT anger is like fire, it burns all clean" {Maya Angelou} I love me some Maya~
Be well spiritually.

Have a great weekend,
Walk In Beauty,
DRSES

author of
Healing Heartaches, Stories of Loss and Life
http://www.healingheartaches.com/